Friday, 26 December 2008

The Light

I'm a lazy douche, but at last I am lighting my hannukah lights, on this, the fifth night. I didn't realize how much my heart and soul were starving for that beautiful, warming light. Ahhhhh.

*blissful* What peace. :)

Thursday, 25 December 2008

So beautiful!

Just have to link the gorgeous pictures taken by a wonderful midwife in San Diego of a recent homebirth.

Birth is just plain beautiful!

(Note: there are no graphic birth pics, although you can see some breasts, butt, and a bit of frontal nudity.)

PS I hope one day she is my midwife. :) Oooooh can't wait to be in san diego!

Tuesday, 23 December 2008

The good and the bad

First, the good! My newest nephew was born today at 5:30 pm. His mama went in for her induction last night, and aside from needing some vacuum assistance came out just perfect at 7.7lbs and 20.5 inches! His name is Matthias Alexander. And I get to see him on Jan 2nd wooooooo!

Okay, and the not so good. I should be happy for her. And, I am! But unhappy with the labor, and that's not my place. More like it's dredging up the feeling, once again, that my body is broke. And I KNOW that's not true. I had so many other circumstances that thankfully she did not have. And I wouldn't for the world wish my experience on her. Ever.

When I heard her mom say she had a rough time I wanted to scream that she didn't! She had it easy! It didn't last two days and X and X and Y. She doesn't have this fucking scar to deal with forever! She doesn't have her future birthing options severely limited, and constant anxiety that things will go terrible again because of it! Of course I would never say that. To her or her mom. Or anyone! It's shameful even thinking it. At the same time I'm bothered even thinking that it was somehow easy for her because of X and Y and Z. Who the fuck should have to measure up to my stick of Toughness before they're allowed to call it Tough? That's just insane. I hate feeling that way. I'm a shmuck. =/ (And yes I know tons of people have it toughER than I did, CS or not)

I had this same deal happen with her sister during her birth. And she also had tough parts of her labor. Shoulder dystocia is something I hope I never see. (Look! See my measuring stick?! She's almost up to ME now! Ugh!)

It's really making me question my desire to become a doula. Am I going to feel this way after every birth? I know I'll never fully be OVER it, but will it fade so I don't suddenly get sucked back down into these terrible, unfair thoughts and feelings? Please tell me it gets better.

And I don't think having a VBAC will necessarily be some cathartic, healing experience. It will heal some wounds, certainly. Maybe it will heal this feeling that my body sucks and is inadequate somehow. I know it will also dredge up some more shit from the first birth. And that scares me a little. Will it reduce or remove this vitriol when others have "easier", successful vaginal births?

*sigh* Will be mulling that over the next few days. No I won't. I'm putting it away until our drive up north. Then I'll have tons of quiet time to ponder. No keeping me up at night, you thoughts! *shoos them*

It really sucks when you know your feelings are BS and you just can't change it somehow. Someone tell me something wise and revealing so I can sleep tonight!! I may as well go buy my tylenol PM now. LOL.

Sunday, 21 December 2008

I'm a nerd

As if you didn't know of my nerdiness already.


View or clicky, yay!

Adopt one today!

I feel like I have a gigapet. >.>

Edit: I'm a dork x2!

Adopt one today!

Edit 3 still havin' fun!

Adopt one today!


Adopt one today!

Friday, 19 December 2008

The Move...

...Cannot come soon enough! It is 60some outside (at 1am) and so humid it might as well be raining. Water on all the cars and it SOUNDS like a light rain from water dripping off the roof and trees. Could it be more disgusting here?

Speaking of the move, we put in a request for Feb 20th. The date is a little up in the air but it should happen close to that time! Hooray! We are absolutely drowning in bills (thanks mom and dad >.<) with the only end in sight being blessed off-base housing with no rent, and no utility bills!

Taking a break from WoW. I'm at that burnout point where the moment I log in and look at my character I feel almost ill and I can't log out fast enough. It really is an addiction of sorts, it gives you a quick easy sense of accomplishemnt to get something done in game, but later you feel like crap because you know you didn't REALLY get anything done. What I need to do is spend time with my boy, work more on my doula certification, and clean out the box room. I guess I'll have piles of donate, toss, and keep. We only qualify for a two bedroom so box room has got to go! Honestly I'm tempted to toss most of the damn boxes without looking. We've survived the past 8 months without that crap, and some of it we've gone nearly 4 years without touching. Yikes. I also want more crap out of the living area. God I will kill for a big kitchen with lots of cupboards untouched by roach shit. Please lord, bless me with one!

Ok bed time, I am TOAST. Although I heard Ray stir a few minutes ago so it'll likely be a while before I sleep. :(

Friday, 12 December 2008


I hate to make fun of emo death metal bands, but I saw this track list and had to share. *stifles more giggles*

Weeping Birth - Anosognosic Industry of the I

1. Then the Moon Came
2. Hurle à la Mort
3. Totalitarian Grievance
4. I Was
5. Detestable Birth Tapestries with Snakes Embroidered
6. Der Tanz der Toten
7. Vaginal Secretions
8. Orgasmic Fetid Breath
9. Love, Death's Betrothed
10. Immobile
11. Mutisme
12. Shadowless
13. La Muvais Oeil

Vaginal Secretions? WTF??

Thursday, 4 December 2008


I don't know how old/viral this is, but it was my first time seeing it and had to share.

Margaret Cho, Jack Black, Neil Patrick Harris (squee!) and MANY others in Proposition 8: The Musical! Vote for looooove people! :D

Friday, 14 November 2008

Tired of the fight

I'm really, really tired of our raid leader in WoW. For those of you that don't play, keep reading because this actually has nothing to do with the game.

He's a 27 year old virgin (which on it's own is all fine and cool. The guy has standards, whatevs) that still lives with his parents and is absolutely convinced women are evil, lying psychopaths. Oh, he's plenty intelligent, just got his masters, and has interesting things to say on many subjects.

Until you start talking about women. And the guy obviously has no clue what he's talking about, but his fantasy world of wicked conniving women is gospel truth, dontcha know. He tried to dominate me, yet again, today. It's not the first time.

It usually goes through some version of this:

Him: Mysoginistic remark, sometimes thinly veiled by attempting to be humorous.
Him: Tries to validate his point.
Me: Completely owns him in the face, quietly showing the misogyny in his statement without really calling him out.
Him: Long silence, followed by some form of "Well I was just trying to be funny" aka, "What you said doesn't really matter, I have control here and now don't you sound silly for OVERREACTING TO A JOKE!"

Today I called him on the last part, saying "Oh that's cute, now you're just trying to make it out as a joke to invalidate my point. Nice try."

Another guild member pointed out I was doing that woman thing where I was going to win either way. Not really sure how to take that, but deciding to shelf it for now.

I understand that the jokes are just going to be part of playing a very male dominated game as a known vagina-bearer. There's tons of sexist humor, and even being something of a feminist I can laugh because I know most of the guys are just poking fun, and have wives or girlfriends that are treated well.

But raid leader...ugh. It bothers me even more because the other folks in the guild will only say something to him if it's a complete bullshit statement, like very very obvious. Today somebody started out with the "female orgasm is a myth" thing. (What does that even mean, really?) I pointed out my confusion, and how any man saying that that had ever had sex with a woman was insulting himself mostly, as it meant he might be bad in bed. Raid leader started in with some Seinfield reference and women doing it to further their ambitions.

I said (in so many words) that it was in the best interest of both parties to ask once in a while if there was any way they could improve or if their current actions were really "doing it" for the other person. I said that this was the super secret to good sex, actually caring about the other persons pleasure and that it was easy enough to avoid a woman "faking it" by asking if you could do something different/better. Raid-leader was markedly silent during this, and then said that he was just trying to make a joke and point out the seinfield reference. (Again, trying to get back on top by making me out to be the "crazy overreacting bitch") That's when I tossed out the "Oh that's cute, you were just trying to make a funny so my point would be invalid". That shut him up for a while. XD I love owning him in the face, but it's really bugging me that I have to keep dealing with his shit, and Anthony and I are usually the only ones to really stand up to his childish behavior like that.


Tuesday, 11 November 2008


Oh my goooooooood so cute! Ray is standing next to me babbling. This is not abnormal. He's noisy and I expect once he truly starts talking I'll be wishing for these days again. LOL.

But anyways, I look down and he's got my cellphone pressed to his ear, and he's babbling away on it. Soooooo insanely cute! Here I've been wondering about what age they start to use their imagination, and I guess that's about now! He's also taken more interest in cartoons and such on the TV. He laughs at things that happen, but it's generally not for any reason I can comprehend. It's really sweet though.

Gosh, I guess he's becoming a little kid. And now he's got my bike helmet on his head. THE CUTENESS, IT ABOUNDS.

Monday, 10 November 2008

Ye gods, the pain!

If you ever wanted to know what it would feel like to have George Lucas storm into your house, kick you in the jeeblies every two minutes for over an hour, and stomp back out again, please watch Star Wars: The Clone Wars. (Yeah, that cartoon one that nobody saw)

And I'm one of those weirdo fans that ENJOYS the prequels! I cringe at the sack of shit that passes as dialogue, but I enjoy them. This is a new low blow to fans, however. The already horrific dialogue is taken to a new level of shittiness (I think we're at negative shit9,000 now) because now it's aimed at kids. As if the dialogue in ANY of the movies was really that far beyond the comprehension level of a seven year old.

I loved getting another petty jab in the eye as the opening credits started out with a much-altered version of the theme song, and the scrolling yellow text was replaced with the cheesiest effing narrator they could find. Seriously? Did ANYONE over the age of five enjoy this?

We couldn't sit through more than twenty minutes. Add in snot-nosed pretentious padawan chick and our heads were ripe to explode. The movie ended for me when, five minutes after meeting Anakin, little whatever-her-name-was refers to him as


I apologize for the projectile vomiting that likely induced. She goes on to be pushy, disrespectful (to her brand new master who is also less than joyful about her appearance), ingenious, and by turns frightened fairy and fiesty warrior princess. BLARGH. Mary Sue more plz.

Ok, I'm done. I could rant for another half hour but I won't. Please save yourself the massive pounding headache and skip this one. (Thank god we didn't even pay to rent it *cough*)

On a related note, kids movies drive me bananas. Do we HAVE to give them such drivel for dialogue? Jesus, their understanding of higher-level concepts may be a little more limited, but they're not all mentally handicapped. Also, humor in dialogue is funny as WELL as slapstick, and we're coming up with new jokes for grown-up movies all the time, can we not do the same for kids? Good story, good dialogue, don't talk to them like they have a 40 word vocabulary. Check. Can anyone think of some good kids movies that fit these criteria? All that I'm coming up with are Pixar flicks.

Speaking of, we just watched Wall-E the other day, and are now anxiously awaiting it's arrival on blu-ray. Few movies still have me thinking about them a day or two later, and as a kids movie this is quite the achievement (unless you're pixar, apparently), so I know it'll be worth the buy.

OH SNAP KUNG FU PANDA IS OUT TODAY. WOO. Forgot about that! *runs out to buy*

Friday, 7 November 2008

Manmeme. *giggle*

I found this on another blog and thought it would be fun! (Thanks LacyRose!)
1. Who is your man? Anthony
2. How long have you been together? About 5 years
3. How long did you date? Right around a year. Dunno exactly.
4. How old is your man? He's 27, I'm 22
5. Who eats more? He can eat more in one sitting, but I definitely eat more throughout the day!
6. Who said "I love you" first? He did :)
7. Who is taller? He's got a few inches on me.
8. Who sings better? I dunno, we're both decent and proud of it. I don't think either would admit to being worse than the other lol.
9. Who is smarter? Depends on the subject. He tends to be because somehow I still suffer mommy brain. :/
10. Whose temper is worse? Tough call. Depends on the situation.
11. Who does the laundry? Me. *grumble*
12. Who takes out the garbage? He does if he's home, but sometimes I'll just get sick of it and he's out so I do it.
13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do!
14. Who pays the bills? Well technically he "pays" them, as in provides the moolah, but I do the actual calling/paying online and such.
15. Who is better with the computer? Depends. He's better with the super technical stuff, but I know my fair share.
16. Who mows the lawn? He does if at all possible. (As in, he's not gone)
17. Who cooks dinner? Me 98% of the time. Working on that one. Hard to get him to do it when he's at work 70% of the time.
18. Who drives when you are together? I do, the carseat is in my car so it's just easier.
19. Who pays when you go out? We do. As it's "our" money!
20. Who is most stubborn? Good luck with that lol. Probably him, although I have a bit.
21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Depends on who was wrong!
22. Whose parents do you see the most? Mine. There are...issues with going to see his, now that we have a child.
23. Who kissed who first? He kissed me, for sure. It was my first time and for a moment I was that trembly kind of girl you see in movies. Lol.
24. Who asked who out? Hard to say, we were already friends so we hung out as such, then it just kind of escalated. Lmao.
25. Who proposed? Anthony.
26. Who is more sensitive? Me, but he's a big softy too. Just doesn't show it.(Isn't that smirk sexy? This is before I met him, but that's about how he looked when we started dating. Mmmmmm that goatee. Curse you, Navy! And no, I did not marry Edward Norton, but pretty darn close.)

27. Who has more friends? Honestly I don't know. I would say me, but he's got his friends at work, I've got some online and old RL friends, plus we both have some in WoW. Who knows!
28. Who has more siblings? All him. He has 2 brothers and 2 sisters, I have one of each.
29. Who wears the pants in the family? Me. Lol. He has final say in some things, but I have my share of the power. XD

Thursday, 6 November 2008


Ok, so, I forgot what I was gonna OH YEAH!

I remember now.

My dear beloveds, do not take Dayquil at night. For serious dawg. Unless you're ready for weird, vivid dreams, and superhuman sense of hearing. Like, Anthony taking a deep breath or rolling over beside me had me immediately awake and HAVING THE POOP SCARED OUT OF ME. It was very, very odd. Also, it completely dried me out and left me feeling like I'd been punched repeatedly in the face. Yes, my face was actually tender to the touch. Yowch. Back to my knock-off Walmart brand Mucinex, thank you very much.

(I only took the dayquil because I couldn't find my knock-off meds, assuming Ray had carried it off somewhere I miraculously "found" them this morning, on my nightstand, right where I left them. I so win at life.)

In other news, Ray woke only once for a cuddle last night (we let him stay up till 10:30) and otherwise slept like an angel until almost 9am. Granted, it was cloudy and dark out this morning, so I'm about to go back out in search of a better curtain for his room. (Target was sadly lacking, yesterday) But hallelujah for sleep! In the interest of finally getting over this cold (and hey, laziness!) I opted to nap with him this afternoon as well. Good times.

Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Just stop it, please.

I'm ready to lose my damn mind. For over a week now this child has been up before 7am. Time change hasn't changed a thing around here, he operates by light. And apparently the most slight flicker of morning light wakes this child. And even though he's weepy and cranky and frigging exhausted, he will NOT go back to sleep. Then he takes this monster 3 hour nap in the afternoon to make up for the shitty 5-7 hours of interrupted sleep he got the night before. Oh yeah, last night he was up every 10 minutes from 11pm to 1:30am.

The one morning in the last two weeks he's slept any later than 6:45am? The one frigging day that it's Anthony's turn to get up with him so I can sleep. Yeah that day? HE SLEPT TILL 10. WHY DOES THE JESUS HATE ME SO. All I want is one morning, hell one morning every TWO weeks where I get to stay in bed an extra hour (not an extra ten minutes just to be sure I don't get the first diaper) without being screamed at, pinched or slapped. Mostly screamed at. Would also like less headaches, because very little very TENSE sleep = all day headache.

So yeah, I went to bed at 2am (for once through no fault of my own) and I've been up since this mess all started at 5:30am. I thought it was supposed to get better as they got older? I want my money back. It's days like today that the thought of having another child (or two!) makes me laugh until I'm crying. Seriously, I'm tired of crying from exhaustion every morning. My house is a wreck because my first few hours of the day are shit and I just can't seem to pull it together. Ugh.

And yes, I'm headed out asap to buy some real blackout curtains for his room. This shit just ain't cool and DST just made it all ten times worse.


Well for better or for worse (and no, I'm wearing no mourning shroud, waiting to see how this turns out before I drown in woe!) at least all my blogging buddies, myspacers and LJ friends might finally STFU about Obama. I love you all, I really do, and I appreciate your enthusiasm. Lord knows I blather on about birth enough. But damn I'm tired of this election. I'm just happy it's over.

(And it's not from some hatred of Obama. Honestly there are alot of things I like about him. And there are things I like about McCain. But I disagree with Obama on more things than I disagree with McCain on. *shrug*)

Plus, I'll just admit it now...I didn't vote. I tried registering twice by mail, and each time they replied with some vage BS about how I didn't complete the form fully, and I did. Only thing I can figure is because I don't have a TX drivers license. (However I did put down my SSN, which they listed as an alternative, so maybe they're just being pricks. I mean hello, address in TX, paying state taxes, and legal citizen, wtf more do I need to VOTE?!) Getting a new license (and my GA one is still valid) would have required me retaking the god-forsaken drivers test with a 14 month old in tow. Call me a lazy shit, or maybe I just got caught up in everything the last month or so...I put it off. I feel bad, but at least Anthony got to vote. (I filled out his form too, come to think of it, with his SSN as I lacked his license number, so seriously wth. F U Texas!) You may all bitchslap me now, get it over with. :P And honestly...Texas really needed my help to go red? Yeah...

Pet peeve #1 rearing it's ugly head, however. I was in walmart last night (that's pet peeve #2, I swear) and they were playing CHRISTMAS MUSIC. SERIOUSLY. SHOOT ME NOW AND SPARE ME THE AGONY OF THE NEXT TWO MONTHS.

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

Oh Em Eff Gee dudes

If you own a PS3, go buy Little Big Planet right this second. RIGHT NOW. Don't even read another word of this post, go!

Why are you still reading this? OBEY ME! You won't regret it. This is why I listen to Penny Arcade when they joygasm all over a game. They are RIGHT! It's so ridiculously fun, even more so with a friend playing. Anthony and I have had so much fun on this thing and we've just started playing. LOVES!

Annnnyway, we had playgroup this morning. It was fun. Everyone was awwwing all over poor Ray. He's like yeah whatever, walking on it, climbing things, and being his normal self. So glad he's walking again, I thought for a moment that I would enjoy him crawling for a few days and a brief respite from him getting into EVERYTHING but I just love him walking. My big boy. :)

Uh oh!

Well my friends, the time has come! We knew it would happen one day (and probably many more times to come, knowing this kid) but I really had no idea it would be this soon.

Well, that's a lie. I probably jinxed him with all my "Oh my god, I can't believe he hasn't needed stitches or a cast yet!" thinking of late.

He went down the slide on Daddy's lap, and his shoe caught on the slide and pulled his leg underneath them, twisting it. He cried when it happened, but by the time I got to the park (not more than ten minutes later, I'd dropped them off and run to walmart quick) he was pretty much his normal self, except with a massive limp. He cried putting weight on it. Anthony had already checked his leg for bruises, swelling and such, and we checked again when we got home. Looked fine, and he moved his foot/ankle with no complaints. But putting weight on it was a no go. We hemmed and hawed about going to the ER (as it was evening when this happened) and finally decided that since it LOOKED ok, it might just be a sprain or a bad twist, and we'd wait to see if it was better by morning.

Well it wasn't. I took him in, got an appt right away for 10:30am. The pediatrician found nothing amiss when she examined him, and she even pressed her palm to his foot like he would putting weight on it. Not a peep, he didn't care. She suggested we do an xray anyway, and I agreed.

Sure enough, teeny tiny fracture of his leg. (Distal right tibia, if you're interested.) He doesn't even have a full cast, just a half of one along the back of his leg mid-shin to mid-foot with an ACE bandage wrapped around it. This was Thursday night, I believe, and just today he's begun walking on it. He's not QUITE as fast as normal, but he gets around fine. :)

Anthony of course felt terrible, poor guy. But thankfully it was a fairly un-traumatic experience for Ray. Aside from the initial incident, the only part he really had an issue with was the x-ray's, and that was due more to being tired, hungry, and wanting to run around (NOT hold stock still for the xray) than actual pain. No setting of the bone (thank GOD) or any such heinous act. So, he survives. It'll be a fun little story when he's grown! You broke your leg at a year old, kid! And amazingly enough, it was not from one of your usual daredevil stunts! (Today he's climbed on a large cooler numerous times, and into a big box. So you know, the cast is TOTALLY slowing him down.)

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Thursday, 23 October 2008

Why am I up at 4:20am? It's not to toke up, unfortunately. Because my beloved son has been up shrieking at me since 3 friggin am. (He's currently squeezing my nipple, wtffffff) Tried it all, hugs, love, milk (milk and more milk), comforting, and letting him cry (a little). He'll quiet down for ten mins, juuuuust long enough for me to ALMOST fall asleep, and then out of the blue he's shrieking again. I so don't get it. So he's up now, and I'm letting him play in the dark a few minutes in the hopes that it will reset him a bit.

SO NOT COOL OK. Especially with Anthony's schedule, because he never really gets a day off to sleep in. Or he'll get ONE. He just doesn't understand that I don't even want to sleep in that late, I just want, once in a while, to wake up when my body says so. Not when the shrieker in the next room demands it. I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've been able to do this since he was born. Anthony? Just spent five months livin' it up bachelor style, staying up late playing video games and sleeping till 4pm on weekends. CRY ME A RIVER OK MR 6AM?

On that note, gonna lay this punk down after I change his butt, and hopefully we'll get some sleep up in this piece. (He was even up late tonight. I DON'T GET IT.) Oh, and here's some survey thing. Enjoy.

1. Do you support international adoption? Most definitely! Kids from all over need love and families.
2. Do you support affirmative action? Not really. People better qualified being turned down to meet a quota is not cool with me.
3. Are you for or against experimentation on animals? While I dislike animals being hurt, it's not something we can do on humans morally, so I'm for it, as the lesser of two "evils".
4. Did you name your kid a Wal*martized name? Hell no.
5. For or against Capital Punishment? Very much FOR!
6. For or against the legalization of medical marijuana? For, people getting locked up and/or raided when they're chronically in pain and it's the best way to deal (with no side-effects) is not cool with me.
7. Do you have an eating disorder? I eat alot, I love food, and am not fond of puking. Certainly NOT!
8. Do you believe in Global Warming? Not entirely. I do agree that we should work on using fewer resources and being gentler on our planet where possible.
9. Are you against gambling? No, but I think it's pretty stupid beyond a friendly poker game.
10. Do you pray? At times, in a way. Not like I used to.
11. Do you have homosexual tendencies? Nunya! (bizness)
12. Are you having an affair? Yes. With Edward Norton. Doesn't seem to matter what movie he's in, I just want to hug him and tuck him away somewhere safe.
13. Are you for or against gun control? Are you part of the NRA? For gun control as in background checks and gun safety courses. AGAINST making them illegal or any such silliness. Not part of the NRA, I don't own a gun at this time.
14. For or against Universal Health care? Against! Being in military healthcare, and imagining if it was that way for everyone, all the time...I agree there are SERIOUS problems with our current system, but handing the government the reins (what public program have they NOT fucked up so far?) is not the answer imo.
15. Do you give to the homeless? Can't afford to right now, but I give when I can.
16. Do you support gay and lesbian civil unions? Marriages? Most definitely.
17. Do you believe or did you believe in the War on Terrorism? I did, and still do in some ways, not in others. It's a big humping mess.
18. Should abstinence or birth control be taught in schools? I'm all about some knowledge. Straight forward facts about BC, how to avoid pregnancy, and acknowledging that abstinence is still the only 100% option.
19. Should underage girls be allowed to have abortions without their guardians knowing? Nope, sorry.
20. Do you want prayer in public schools? I don't think there needs to be group prayer in the classroom. (Teacher led or over the MC) However, if, say, a group of high-schoolers wants to start a prayer group as a club, then I think they should have that right.
21. Should obese people pay for 2 airplane seats? I'll have to pay for my toddler soon, I vote yes. You take up two seats, you pay for two seats. Sorry bout your luck.
22. Are you a Republican or Democrat? Meh. Neither, these days.
23. Do you return your cart? I'll be honest, I'm one of THOSE people, that rarely puts the cart away. If I happen to not have Ray with me, then I do. But if it's hot out (and I always put him in as soon as the groceries are in) then I just put it wherever nearby and hop in. It's texas folks, it's HOT. Cart boy gets paid, and I just paid the grocery store for my food, some of that goes to him.

Thursday, 16 October 2008

Iiiiiiiiiiiiit's memetime!

Tagged myself for a meme that I stole from Lacy Rose!

Take the sixth picture from your sixth album (most recent? least recent? Who knows!) and post it.

Here we see the Great White Spaghetti Monster!

Taken Sept 8th 2008, you see here my vain attempt at teaching Ray to feed himself with a spoon. I quickly gave up and let him go after it with his hands. This is the only time it's been attempted to date, and for obvious reasons. LOL. He did have fun though!

Here's another fun one, although it's actually the FIFTH pic in the FIFTH album (least recent as opposed to most). I just can't resist!

Saturday, 11 October 2008




I would like to thank craigslist for my used, lightly rusted, but fully functional $200 washer and dryer. They're even Whirlpools! And only a few years old. They were a bit dirty but we got em cleaned up quick and now I have a load going. I'm soooooo frigging happy.

I hate you laundromat. To the depths of my soul. And now we won't have to worry about any appliances in the next place. Although I do wonder what will end up happening with the fridge. There's NO WAY I'll be leaving it (or selling it to) the old bag that owns this place. And I really, really like my fridge. It's big and sexy and has many shelves. So I guess it depends on what kind of place we end up in in San Diego. Will be playing it by ear I suppose.

Ray found my prescription Eucarin lotion today. It is AMAZING stuff but omg impossible to get off. I left it open on my nightstand after applying to my legs this morning and he was apparently grabbing out whole handfuls (yes, it's a big open-topped canister of the stuff) and applying to his feet and the floor. Took a solid 5-10 mins of warm water and application after application of grease cutting dishwashing soap to get him cleaned up. Thankfully I have a good washer to do his pants and both our shirts in. It was another 15 mins scrubbing the carpet with hot water and generous squirts of Goo-Gone. I need to go check and see how well that worked, actually.

Sadly Emily is leaving tomorrow. Really not looking forward to getting up and leaving by 6:30am on a saturday to drive to Austin. Worst of all Anthony is on duty tomorrow so I have to bring Ray with. He's done a similar day in the car (when I drove up to Houston to get my xB) but it's still not much fun for him.

We were looking forward to seeing Jeff Dunham this friday but found out today that Anthony has duty. ARGH! We even had the neighbors lined up to watch Ray. (I think that's the one real thing I'll miss about this place, they are SO sweet. Lots of texas hospitality.)

Spent a good few hours last night melting our brains with AMV Hell 4 and then some AWESOME clips of Afro-Ken, arguably one of the most bizzarre and zen-tastic animes I've seen. Not sure if the show came first or the merchandise, but anyone that's spent enough time with me knows that I was in looooove with that shit in Japan and have bags, notebooks, and so on covered in Afro-Ken. I even unloaded a ton of my old stickers onto my guitar hero controller. Fun!

Enjoy Afro-ken as I win another mommy of the year award feeding pizza to my 14 month old. In my defense it's spinach chicken tomato alfredo, but still.

Thursday, 9 October 2008


So I had a big fat DUH moment the other night. Anthony, Emily and I were watching the Business of Being Born (excellent, everyone needs to see this flick) and Anthony said again how he doesn't want to be around for the next birth, at all. He said he's fine with it being a homebirth and all that, it wouldn't change if I were in the hospital, he just gets sooooo nervous thinking of me in labor. (He's a protector through and through, I can't fault him for that!) I plan on surrounding myself with some of my closest ladies, so it's really not the end of the world for me.

He also feels really bad I missed the first hour with Ray (gets quite upset about that) and says I should be allowed some alone time with the next one. He's a sweety.

Anyway, I already knew all this. The big old DUH moment was this: it's no wonder I didn't go into labor! I've been telling people right and left (when they're unsure of who to allow into the labor room) that a few different things can "go wrong" on that front. Mom can hold up labor with her own reservations/fears/random other emotional hangups. A person the woman is uncomfortable with coming into the room can also slow/stall labor. And, last but not least, someone in the room who is very nervous/worried can have an effect on things.

Now please understand that Anthony DID want me to go into labor, this was of course nothing conscious on his part. Nor on mine. But being a big fat empath I am very highly tuned to his frequency, as it were. Soemthing will happen, he'll say it doesn't bother him or he doesn't care, and I'm the one who doesn't sleep for a month because he's turmoil inside.

So this...this makes ALOT of sense. Especially considering some of the "false" starts I had, and precisely when they anxious he was to get to the yes, he will be FAR away for the next one. Once baby time hits I'll have Shannapance come down for a weekend, perhaps, and send Anthony up to play video games with Ryan, and we'll get that party started.

(I am at times also very well tuned to Shanna, and at the end of the pregnancy with Ray just IM'ing her on msn was enough to make my contractions stronger and painful. So the effect with Anthony is not isolated!)

This realization is VERY reassuring to me. I've looked around a bit learning about having an irritable uterus (which I most certainly do) and if a woman has it with the first it's common for it to happen again with subsequent pregnancies. I asked the midwife I would likely see in san diego about it online, and she said it's also common for a woman with an irritable uterus to have trouble developing a strong effective contraction pattern for labor. Since you can't induce a VBAC because of the much-increased risk of uterine rupture, that would possibly leave me high and dry for a VBAC. Knowing that it probably wasn't 100% my body gives me alot more confidence that the next time I CAN do it on my own. :)

Friday, 26 September 2008

It's happy days!

Anthony will be home in an hour or so. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I don't have much to add to that. We'll be heading out for dinner tonight, and to pick up a bloody router. BOTH of our routers (one wired and our new wireless) are in the box we had the foresight to send to his dads house (in Austin) right before we left Spain. We had our neighbor ship the boxes, one to Austin and the other to my parents house in SC. Keep in mind, this is back at the end of april. Well, the one to my folks got there while I was visiting, in May. The one to Austin? Nothing. I thought it was gone, gone, gone. Then two weeks ago, bam. They get it on their front porch. WTH? Frigging postal service ate my box (of course, the one with all the more valuable items in it) for nearly five months. I've been up and back from Austin time and again, so I COULD have picked it up...had it been there. Blah. No point now in going to get it as I'll be up there next weekend getting the Bird from the airport.

So yeah, buying another router. Joy. *shakes fist* Damn you USPS!

In honor of Anthony arriving home, I'm adding on the video of "our song". Our first dance at the wedding was to the piano version, this here be the jazzed up version. It's actually an old 80's hit, I know, but cheesy as DJ Sammy is I like this remake best. :D Enjoy!
DJ Sammy feat Yanou - Heaven

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Beam me up!

It's really about time we invented Transporters. Star Trek style. Press of a button and you're miles and miles away!

We need to find a way to teleport our Uteri out until they're needed. No more periods, no accidental pregnancy or crazy hormones, just sweet luscious FREEDOM until we're ready to have kids. Yes please!

And hey, c-section would be a thing of the past. Emergency? Baby is instantly out, and no scars for mom! No more epidurals either, those not up to the task of labor could choose baby transport. Sweet indeed. (This is purely sci fi thinking here, ignoring the known benefits of a vaginal delivery. Just me in my fantasy world!)

Cancer would be a goner. We could lock onto all the cancer cells and beam it out, leaving surrounding tissue intact with no need for risky surgery. Life would be sweet, and longer for many.

No more dangerous car, train, or airline travel. No more long distance friendships or relationships. I suppose the downside would be unwanted friends or family dropping in incessantly. Hmmmm. Perhaps "transport blocking" that would work a bit like unplugging your phone or blocking a persons number. A fail-proof "do not disturb" sign!

Heck, this could probably cure HIV and AIDS! Again, just lock onto all the little infection buggers and woosh, you're cured!

Shoot, we could use it to wash DISHES! Just beam all the dirt and crud into space, highest dispersion! It would be interesting having red clouds full of tomato sauce particles. Purple rain could be a reality!

I do love sci-fi. :)
Is this not the most beautiful kid around? Well, I'm sure your own children hold that place for you, but AFTER your kids, you gotta admit... ;)
Checking out his sweet pecs. He likes to beat his chest like Tarzan. He also communicates mainly via grunting. Hmmmmm...
Such a ham! He loves him some naked time. :)
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Monday, 15 September 2008

Oh Craig

I do love you so. If I wasn't married, I'd so be stalking your ass.

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Funny, only sort of not

If you want good service, then serve yourself.
-Spanish Proverb

Really funny to come across this having lived three years in Spain. I had no idea, lol. BECAUSE THEY LIVE BY THIS.

Compared to american culture, at least. Restaraunts were slooooooow. Just getting someone to take your drink order AND bring the drinks might take 20-30 mins. This was not fun when I was pregnant and hot and JUST WANTED SOME EFFING WATER OK. Same with the meal, the dessert, the check. I understand it, partly. When they eat out afterwards they tend to just sit and schmooze, they're not in a huge rush like americans seem to be. Ok.

Bag your own groceries in most stores.

And good luck in any small shop or boutique. Having a service repairmen come to your house or anything of that nature was at their leisure, and don't count on getting a call before hand to know they're coming.

Meh, I'm not really as mad as I sound. I understand it's a different culture and that's cool, I can respect that. Doesn't mean I have to enjoy it though!

Ahhhh america. My bitch list is even longer here, trust me. But at least it's far more quick and convenient for me to leave the house and buy something and inevitably be pissed off by some other idiot. LOL.

Saturday, 13 September 2008


But not here. I have been receiving calls and emails and texts the last few days from all kinds of family and friends. I appreciate the love, I really do, but some of you people (and I'm sure you know who you are) should call me in good times too! It's awfully lonely down here, and I appreciate everyone's concern, but seriously. You can call anytime, and I would love it.

As for the storm, we've really seen none of it. I kind of feel bad for all the folks that rushed out and boarded up, then got the hell out of dodge. Last night was like any other night, except that our normal constant wind was coming from the north rather than the south. Sure, it's a little cloudy this morning, but there was no rain last night. No thunder, and the wind was mild enough that all my dried grass cuttings are still scattered over my driveway and front walk. LAME.

I was even cooking up some of my more expensive perishable food the last few days. Oh well, at least I have a few easy meals in the freezer for a rainy day when I'm not up to cooking.

I thought that perhaps I really messed up Ray's schedule yesterday. He was up very early, and his 11am nap was only 30-40 mins long, rather than the usual two hours. I knew he'd be needing a second nap because of it, and at 3pm laid him down. I decided to take a nap too, and woke after 6pm with him STILL ASLEEP. Whoops. So he stayed up until 10:15 last night, rather than our usual 9pm bedtime, and HE SLEPT. He woke once maybe ten mins later, and then not a peep until 7:30 this morning!!! GLORY BE! It was miraculous, especially since after my own long nap yesterday I had difficulty getting to sleep, and was up till almost 2am.

So the old adage is true, once again. For kids at least, sleep really does beget sleep. You'd think, horrors! Such a long nap! So late! And it did seriously mess with MY ability to sleep. But for whatever reason, it helped Ray. Maybe we just need to go back to having a second nap, even if it's short.

I need to make an appointment for myself, again. Now that I'm nearly finished with the prednisone my hands are going nuts again. Very upsetting to me, after these last blissful weeks with NORMAL hands. I'll admit they've always been something of a point of pride for me, I have long tapered fingers and my fingernails naturally curve in a way that makes it look as though I always have a fantastic french mani. I have pretty hands. Anthony has always told me I should be a hand model or something. :) And now, return of the rash. ARGH. Can I be on a moderate dose of prednisone long term? Because if that's what it takes, SIGN ME UP. Jesus. (Yes, that is my hand, and my engagement ring, which I LOVE and is OMGPERFECT.)

Anthony is going to a big concert/festival today. It's called Nocturnal Dreamland, out east of LA. It looks AMAZING. Infected Mushroom headlining, and Above & Beyond also playing. I'm SO EFFING JEALOUS. Why does all the good shit have to be in CA? I think I'll just cry myself to sleep tonight because omfg so unfair. :( I told him (since I was the one that gave him the heads up on the whole thing) that he better take me to do something really effing cool when he gets home. >:(

I think I may start putting in good music videos here and there, get some of you folks hearing music you may not otherwise ever know exists. Today is Illusion, by VNV Nation. His voice is not incredible, but I LOVE the prose, and how things don't necessarily rhyme but it still sounds great. This song is not really common to their "sound". If you know their style, then you'll still recognize it's VNV Nation, but it's much softer than the majority of their music. Enjoy!

Friday, 12 September 2008


Once again humanity disappoints me. Someone on the Debate boards on babycenter posted this article.

Court Slams Wis. Cops In Coma Sex Case: Police Filmed Man Having Sex With Comatose Wife In Nursing Home

No, no, no. Once again the justice system fails.

Even more disturbing to me was the responses of the WOMEN on this board.

First, the usual "but he's a good person!" BS from the WOMANS sister. "The woman's sister is upset that prosecutors brought charges against him, Kelly said. "She believes her sister's husband was merely expressing his love for his wife and was trying everything he could to bring her back to consciousness," Kelly said. "

So because he had good intentions, it's ok. What if she had said no? If he went slow and tried to make her feel good, but still did it, would it not be rape? WTF? Of course it would be rape! She's freaking comatose people. Many of the women on the board reflected similar feelings, that it was "sweet" that he was "just trying to connect with his wife" because he missed her.

*head asplode*

"My first impression is that it's gross.

But then, when you give the guy the benefit of the doubt, the poor guy could just want a connection with his wife. Maybe he did have some weird hope that having sex with her would wake her up. "

"My first thought was also that it's gross.

Then I thought, well maybe it's kind of bittersweet..."

"Definitely sounds gross but as others have said, it does seem he was trying "by any means necessary" to bring her back. So romantic in such a twisted way."

WTF is wrong with people? Seriously, if it wasn't his wife would they be saying this? Marriage is not OWNERship people. Just because he married her does not mean he can do it without her consent. He had absolutely no RIGHT to do it, ever! There is no marriage clause that said it's the spouses RIGHT to extract sex from their partner, no matter what. UGH. What the hell, honestly. Thankfully after those first few gems some voices of reason popped in (along with my own) saying hell no son! Not ok!

And honestly I think since the police were tipped off and there was reasonable suspicion, I don't think his rights were violated, privacy-wise. I think also that since it's not like this is happening in their home, it's in a nursing home, that's something else too. While I'm all about constitutional right to privacy, I think in a case like this they should be able to use that evidence. And if the police were tipped off why did they not do a rape kit on the woman? Fail, fail, fail.

So now apparently we all need to make living wills that include "If I'm in a coma, no one is allowed to rape me.". WTF
(Not that Anthony would do something like this, but still. BLARGH)

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Ahoy matey!

Thar be money! WOO!

*runs out for coke, smokes, and power bill* Hallelujah!

Oh god why

Another fabulous day, up at 6 or whatever. BLARGH. Scratch that "get up and watch TV" idea, all it did was wake him up the rest of the way and now I'm screwed till nap time.

Movie review time!

First up yesterday was Baby Mama. Not dying on the floor funny, but it was humorous, cute, and fun. Definitely worth at least one watch if you're in the mood for something light. :) I'll give it 3.5/5!

Hancock came next. Fight scenes were cool, stuff was funny...I found the storyline lacking though. Some flashbacks would have been nice, or fleshing out the plot just a liiiiiittle more would have gone a long way. In the end the story just felt rushed, which is too bad because it was a cool premise. Will Smith was funky too, he looked weird to me. Not sure why. I still love him though. *humps his leg* I'll give it a 3/5.

Breakfast time for me. Ta!

Monday, 8 September 2008

The Good the Bad and the TIRED.

So the good news is, sleep regression at 13 months is nothing new. Most babies go through it.

The bad news is, sleep regression at 13 months is nothing new. Most babies go through it. Which means I basically have to suck it up and just deal for a bit longer.

Oh, I read a few tips that may or may not help. The ones I'm going to try are 1. A set routine for meal time, nap time, and bed time. At the moment bed time is the only sure thing in this house. THANK YOU GOD IT'S 9PM YAY

And 2. Just getting up with him when he wakes at 5/6am/whatever, for an hour or so, and then letting him go back to sleep. A few mamas mentioned this, and I'd prefer that to getting into another cosleeping habit.

Cosleeping has been a really tricky thing for me. On the one hand, I am a BORN CUDDLER and I LOVE IT. Could eat it up with a big old spoon. It's comforting having him next to me, especially when Anthony isn't home. And, he tends to sleep better.

On the other hand I HATE IT. I hate having to be super quiet, or that if he encroaches on my side of the bed I can't easily move him. It keeps me up, worrying that I'll wake him, and I have to be right there with him for fear of him rolling out of bed. (For you safety nuts out there, I do have a railing on the far side of the bed, but I'll have to get it down before Anthony returns.)

I still would like to cosleep next time around during the early months. The last thing I'll be needing with a toddler and newborn is the kind of sleep I got last time. Yikes!

Other than my adventures in (not) sleeping, things have been quiet out this way. We are officially broke as a joke (that isn't very funny) and I'm half way through my last pack of smokes until we get paid. Couldn't even afford a case of coke, so I'll be heavily medicating myself to get through caffeine withdrawal headaches. >.> At least I have gatorade and some V8 fusion juice, and I had juuuust enough money yesterday to get diapers and enough whole milk to last him. Yes, when it comes down to it I will sacrifice for my child. Lol. Woe is me!

I could do with less coke anyhow, I haven't even been liking it all that much lately. And smoking is WAY better when you do less of it. Each one is more enjoyable when you've been putting it off for hours, playing the "I'll smoke after X, no after Y, no after Z!" until you finally give in and AHHHHHHHHHH. So much better. And hey, healthier. I truly don't like smoking. Honest.

Oh! Pictures! I've been taking them again, go me! Ray and I have been to two neighborhood parks in the last few days, the latest one being far superior to the first. I've been bemoaning the lack of kid things to do in the area given the weather around here. It's hard for me to get motivated to go anywhere in the morning (read first few paragraphs of this post for why!) and then Ray naps. By the time he wakes, it's like 98/feels like 103 outside. NOT good weather for baby playing outdoors. Then late afternoon hits, and it starts to cool off, WHOAMG BUGS. The mosquitoes here are insane, most nights the bug spray truck does our street twice. >< Gross!

But this park is nice, leads right down to the water, has a great breeze, and actually wasn't too buggy until about 7, just as we left. I also got some Off! towelettes for spreading the bug repellant love on us. They seemed to work great!

So yeah, pictures. On my picasa. Most recent albums are all labeled September something or other, I'm sure you smarties can figure it out!

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

Ell. Oh. Ell.

Three truths have become apparent to me today.

1. My landlady is dumb.
2. My dumb landlady thinks I'm dumb.
3. I'm not dumb.

Too bad she doesn't know it!

So this morning she calls and asks if I've moved yet.


Bwuuuuhhhhh? I said NO, it was my understanding, when you demanded I continue paying the rent, that I was not being let out of the lease. She goes "I never said you couldn't move, I've been asking you to move for months now". Yeah, a bunch of back and forth and basically she gave us her "permission" to move, but was not going to terminate the lease.

Yeah, I'm still laughing. I don't need your permission you rotten old wench, I need the fucking lease amended! I let her know, since we were obviously on different wavelengths, that unless the lease was ended early there was NO way we would be moving. Absolutely, positively, not.

Honestly, do I just come off as having an IQ of 38? Seriously, do I SEEM that naive and downright stupid? Then, since it is my responsibility as per the lease, I asked that she send me a copy of the pest control bill. She chose that opening to try and put the tree limb trimming on my plate too, since "trees" are part of the "yard maintenance" and trimming is on there. Yeah, I think trimming is something I could conceivably do with a step ladder and hedge-trimmers, not a fucking chainsaw and several men to hold the limb so it doesn't annihilate the third bedroom. The tree was nearly touching the house, but it was not hanging to the ground, or resting on the roof. As I'm not the home owner I do not feel comfortable just lobbing off huge limbs from the neighbors trees, and I never in a million years would have thought of rats using that as an easy access to get in. (Oh yeah, did I mention all the rats that I LET into the house? That the pest guy says don't exist, but the AC REPAIR MEN SAID THERE WERE MICE OMFG EXTERMINATE NOW)

So yeah, I took pics of everything and if she wants to take me to small claims over that shit, and be ground under the salty heel of Navy Legal, then by all means. Let's do it, bitch.

Basically today, rather than get all riled up over her anymore, I'm mostly just amused and mildly annoyed. Silly old bat. Just not worth the energy!

So my question, dear readers (few though ye may be), is this:
If you're renting a property, and your responsibilities according to the lease include tree trimming, do you think something of THIS magnitude is covered? When you moved in only five months prior? (Obviously WELL beyond five months of growth in my eyes)

The tree the biggest limb up top (hard to see for the leaves/smaller limbs) was cut from is on the left in the lower pic. It arced up over the roof, where it hovered a few inches from the shingles. It was not resting on the roof, or obscuring any windows. Nor was it encroaching on the AC unit.

Sunday, 31 August 2008

Soup Queen extraordinaire!

I'm great at making soup. Well, for myself. I guess picky people might frown on my soups, but for those of you that have good taste you'd probably enjoy it.

Tonight I had a ton of leftover this and thats in the fridge, so I threw it all into a packet of Maggi boullion. This included spicy beef sausage, peas, steamed corn off the cob, rice, frozen spinach, crab meat (the imitation chunks, that aren't actually imitation but made with real crab meat), and onions. A dash of garlic powder and cumin, and voila! Yumminess.

I exhort everyone to get creative this weekend and throw together some kitchen sink soup!

As a side note, Mike on Desperate Housewives isn't nearly so hot in season 3 without all his confidence and muscles. And omfg Zack needs to lose the hair before I hunt his ass down and go after it with a lawnmower.

In other news, little man seems alot better today. No rash, crankiness at a minimum. After poking around online it sounds like it may have been roseola, aka a few days of high-ish fever ending with a rash. Sounds familiar!

Saturday, 30 August 2008

Crisis Averted, I suppose.

So SHE called me while I was at the laundromat wednesday. (Joy upon joy, I assure you.) Told me she wasn't letting me out of the lease, and of course tried to make it my own fault. Blathered on about how the house was too messy to show it, and too messy to assess damages. I said uh, hello? I would move before we do a walkthrough. (DUH.) And I was ready to basically end the lease within two days, and be out and everything. So basically, she had no intention of letting us go in the first place. I asked her, during that phone call, why she had kept asking me to leave then. She then reminded me when she expected the rent and hung up.


So now? Everything in writing, with pictures, before and after repairs, and no more hand-delivered rent checks. The gloves are off, and I'll still be taking my lease to a lawyer to peruse for loopholes. (Sidenote, that's the correct use of "peruse", which really means to look through something deeply, not skim!) Next time it happens we will MAKE a way out of this place, if we have to tunnel out of here.

Roaches are still around, but seem better. Pest guy checked the rat bait yesterday, and no sign of any funny business. He was really nice, too, a little older, and Ray loved him. Actually ran up to him, arms up to be held. He doesn't really do that with other folks, but if this kid doesn't have Anthonys and my intuition with people then I'll be a monkeys uncle.

Ray has been up a ton the past few nights. Started off with a fever around the time we went to the laundromat (one of those annoying off/on afternoon/evening fevers, though it ran fairly high thursday, 102-103), and then up all friday night. That morning (just before his 1yr well-baby appt) he had a spotty red rash all over his belly and back. The dr said it might be measles, at first, then when I explained more about what had happened, decided it might be chicken pox.

And again, joy upon joy. So he's been cranky (for his temperament) and up again last night. The tummy rash hasn't changed but now there's this weird business on his thigh. No more fevers though, so maybe he'll be getting better soon.

Mmmmm, fried rice. Made up some fresh rice last night, sauteed some onions and eggs in and used the easy imitation-only-not-imitation crab meat. Found out it tastes MUCH better than the actual imitation crab from the same brand. All buttery and delicious. Yum.

Despite my kvetching (half the reason I haven't blogged much lately, it'd all be incessant bitching) we're not doing too terrible out here. My neighbor spoils me, and just mowed my front lawn after he did his. I really need to go buy them a thing of gas. Stupid lawn services are like $40 around here (and that's from a nice, cheap guy) just for mowing, and I apparently have recently developed a serious grass allergy. Last time I mowed it (in jeans and a tanktop) I broke out into a monster rash all over my arms, neck and shoulders. It looked (and felt) like poison ivy. Didn't have that problem when I was younger, mowed my share of lawns in my time, and never had this happen.

Thankfully, once Anthony is on this ship he won't be gone more than 2-3 weeks at a time so he'll be able to keep up with the mowing. Ignoring the 6 month cruise next year, of course. But by that time we'll probably be preparing for San Diego, or hey, maybe out of this dungheap! Woo!

Monday, 25 August 2008

Oh Em Gee

Believe it or not, I'm still alive. I've been in hiding, because I didn't want to turn my blog into a bitchfest about my landlady. Suffice it to say, she can't stand that I complain about her busted ass slum we're living in and has been straight rude, mean, and obnoxious. I'm already a nervous wreck 24/7 about it, so I'll keep it short and say that if things go well tomorrow we'll be moving by the end of the month to a great townhouse community nearby. I'm really really excited to be out of this old horrid house, with the roaches and insulation in the AC vents and mice and...yeah.

I'm sad to say goodbye to our neighbors though. The couple next door has three kids and they've been nothing but sweet and helpful. Feeding the cat during my frequent travels, mowing my lawn on occasion, and offering to watch Ray. I'll probably take them up on that offer during the move, and find them a nice gift card for a restaraunt or something in thanks. Can't think of anything else that would cover the whole family as far as a gift.

Been traveling alot, seeing family and such. We had a great time in NY and NH, seeing all the great grandparents, grand aunts/uncles, and first and second cousins and such. Ray loved playing with our cousins, and it was all a little weird for me. There's quite the age range among me and the cousins on my moms side, as my son is only a year younger than my youngest cousin, so I'm really stuck between generations.

So yeah. I'm strung out and probably going to need high blood pressure meds if this keeps up. Things are sounding good on getting out of here this week however, and lemme tell you that will be three million pounds off my shoulders. Tomorrow we will be sealing the deal on when exactly I'll be out of here, thank god. For better or worse, at least we'll have some closure.

Ugh don't think I'll sleep much tonight. ><

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Once again, it's been a bit. Oops?

Once again, I've fallen off the bandwagon here.

Just got in from CA day before yesterday. Had an awesome trip visiting Anthony and Shannapance. Lots of silliness ensued, and I ate far, FAR too much junk food. I think I'll yack on the next greasy burger joint I see. Bleh. It was really nice though, and we managed to get Ray sleeping on his own (with minimal screaming, these days), and mostly night-weaned. Shanna and I enjoyed many late nights watching Ghost Hunters or playing WoW. It's really freaking hot out there, and expensive as all get out. Looks like we'll be broke again come this time next year. Lol.

Ray is a walking machine, and more communicative by the day. Today he came over to me from playing, laid cool little hands on my knee, and grunted out a poop. Not two minutes later he brought me a clean diaper. It was great. He also managed to get his hands on a big old pizza crust (only cheese and some veggies on it) and wolf it down this morning as well.

--Continuing this post friday, started it thursday--

(And the stuffed animals were only in there while I vacuumed, although he's at an age where I'm not terribly worried.)

Ray has a real room now! With an actual crib! I emailed a few craigslist folks last night and by this morning had emails and calls. I ended up driving down to flour bluff to pick up a nice oak crib and mattress for only $60. It's in fantastic shape, barely even scratched for having had a 2 year old just move out of it. I also put up some cute safari animal border and stickies on the wall. Just to continue the theme (and add a little extra to the room) I set up his rainforest playmat on the floor. Looks pretty cute to me! (Oh, and you can't really tell but the sheet on the crib is also safari animals.) I get so damn tired seeing boys stuff that's all trucks or sports. It's like, "I have a boy, and I want him to be a construction worker or an athlete!". Both perfectly fine vocations, but backbreaking physical labor is not my first choice for my son. If he ends up really interested in that stuff, cool, but I'm not gonna shove it down his throat just because of the business between his legs.

Anyways. I love my car. I was really worried the crib wouldn't fit, but I folded down the seat 60/40 (with Ray's seat on the 40 side) and drove down there. I mean, we were almost able to lay the crib parts down flat that way, it was SO not a close call.

Crap, Ray is asleep and one of those monster bugs is in my room. If I turn on the vacuum he'll wake up. But grooooooooooooooossssssss. *vomits*

Ok I'm for seriously bored now. Crap.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Between money worries, car worries, Ray being sick and me being just drained, drained, drained, I've mostly been sitting on my tush, watching TV and reading. Just kind of surviving until I head to CA this weekend and get a much needed break, and some much more needed grown up time with Anthony and my best friend.

I went to the beach saturday with my cousin and her boyfriend and his kids. It was alot of fun, a perfect day for the beach, and the little ones all loved the sand and water. I got quite a burn on my legs (my upper half is pretty well tanned already) but nothing too severe, I don't think I'll even peel.

I went ahead and started Ray on the antibiotics for his ear infection, and he's improved remarkably. Back to walking more and more, and getting into everything.

Just found out today that the stupid shippers in Spain gave the car BACK to our friend (after he'd already dropped it off/had it inspected to be shipped) because of an oil leak. At this point, we're going to just cut our losses and try selling it. It's not a perfect car, but I've seen the beaters that people buy on base (cars go through a million and one owners once they get attached to military bases) and so I think we shouldn't have too much trouble getting at least a little cash for it. However, this does mean that we'll be buying my car much sooner (we were going to next year, after we paid off the new one with the tax return) so I probably won't get much of a quality vehicle. Plus it postpones my washer and drier even more. Major bummer.

My house is still a wreck, I've been less than motivated to do much more than just keep the dishes clean. Oh well. Any one of these issues would be a breeze on it's own, but all lumped together I'm pretty overwhelmed to say the least. We should be getting the proper amount each paycheck come july 1st, plus alot of back pay. That will help things immensely!

Thank you AMA/ACOG, but I think NOT.

Dunno how many of you keep up with current news in the birthing world, but there's some scary shit going on. I haven't been blogging much on it since most every birth blog I know of has said it all, and far more eloquently than I. However, I feel that every one, whether they're part of the birthing community, have children, don't have them, male, female, old or young, needs to know about this. I'd like to think that this is all utterly unconstitutional and so shall never be passed, but these days I've lost more than a little faith in the government. I think the Big Push for Midwives said it perfectly when they called this fiasco "Big Brother meets Father Knows Best".

The AMA (American Medical Association) has joined the ACOG (American College of Gynecologists) in frowning heavily on homebirth, and gone a step further in suggesting that legislation be introduced that "supports" the notion that the safest place for birthing and the post-partum period is in the hospital.

I Just wow. It seems every day that passes makes this country a more scary place to live.

The quote in full: (emphasis mine)

Whereas, Twenty-one states currently license midwives to attend
home births, all using the certified professional midwife (CPM)
credential (CPM or "lay midwives), not the certified midwives (CM)
credential which both the American College of Obstetricians and
Gynecologists (ACOG) and American College of Nurse Midwives (ACNM)
recognize[1]; and

There has been much attention in the media by celebrities having home
deliveries, with recent Today Show headings such as Ricki Lake takes on
baby birthing industry: Actress and former talk show host shares her
at-home delivery in new film
[2]; and

An apparently uncomplicated pregnancy or delivery can quickly become
very complicated in the setting of maternal hemorrhage, shoulder
dystocia, eclampsia or other obstetric emergencies, necessitating the
need for rigorous standards, appropriate oversight of obstetric
providers, and the availability of emergency care, for the health of
both the mother and the baby during a delivery; therefore be it

That our American Medical Association support the recent American
College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) statement that the
safest setting for labor, delivery, and the immediate post-partum
period is in the hospital, or a birthing center within a hospital
complex, that meets standards jointly outlined by the American Academy
of Pediatrics (AAP) and ACOG, or in a freestanding birthing center that
meets the standards of the Accreditation Association for Ambulatory
Health Care, The Joint Commission, or the American Association of Birth
Centers [3] (New HOD Policy); and be it further

That our AMA develop model legislation in support of the concept that
the safest setting for labor, delivery, and the immediate post-partum
period is in the hospital, or a birthing center within a hospital
complex, that meets standards jointly outlined by the AAP and ACOG, or
in a freestanding birthing center that meets the standards of the
Accreditation Association for Ambulatory Health Care, The Joint
Commission, or the American Association of Birth Centers. (Directive to
Take Action)

Fiscal Note: Implement accordingly at estimated staff cost of $1,929.

Received: 04/28/08

The thought of having CPS take my children because I chose to give birth at home with a midwife is absolutely terrifying to me.

Saturday, 7 June 2008

If I can make it

Let's see if I can make it ONE FLIPPING DAY without any kind of service person or repairmen in my house. Jesus.

Day one - Walk in the door and there's no AC. It's 90+ inside and hotter out. We spend an absolutely miserable afternoon sweating our nuts off as it took hours for the guy to fix it.

Monday - Guy installs internet/cable. Woo. Plumber comes to fix sink in my bathroom, which has a leaky pipe. (Idiots who lived here before duct-taped it. NOT WORKING, GENIUSES.) AC guys return because when they first got it running, insulation and grit shot out of EVERY vent. Yuck. That afternoon lawn man comes and hacks away at my jungle of a backyard.

Thursday night, as I'm getting out of the shower, the hot water handle busts and I can't turn off the water. At almost midnight. Plumber coming in the morning, as the fix could take a few hours and I don't want to be up all night with Ray. The bathroom was all drippy and steamy in the morning, even though a window was open. The good news is my water heater is freaking epic, as the water was apparently hot most of the night. Come to my house for eternal showers!

Friday, plumber replaces the faucets, and our final shipment is delivered. (Bad news on the water heater is it's somehow "not up to code" so I guess it needs replacing or some shit. Maybe because it's TINY. Or something. But still, with the eternal water.) Other good news is the water company checked the meter for me and it was "only" about 1000 gallons. Apparently in water world, that's not bad. Of course I've only been showering every other day, one person using the toilet, I almost never wash my hands now (thank you, hand dermatitis) and I haven't done dishes and there's no washer for laundry. So the water bill should be miniscule anyhow.

My computer case is a bit dented on the front, but it's on a decorative area so I figured it was just superficial. Turned on fine, but the sound wasn't working so I went to pull it out of the desk and see if anything was loose. The outside of the case SHOCKED me. Like, the whole freaking thing was electrified. It wasn't a huge shock, but running my fingers along the case it buzzed with electricity. Outstanding. So, rather than 1-damage the pc further, 2-have Ray hurt touching it and 3-start a freaking house fire, I'm using Anthony's until I can file a claim with the moving company and get it replaced. I might opt for claiming the whole pc, and not just the case...I could use some upgrades. I mean, if I still had my dell I would have to anyhow, dell motherboards are soldered to the case. GG.

Well anyway, I'm going to take my boy to the beach, I think.

Monday, 26 May 2008

Long time no see!

Well it's been over a month since my last post, and A TON has happened. I'll try to keep it brief but still give you an idea of what we've been up to.

We left Spain April 21st. We woke up late (slept through the alarm, oops) and it unfortunately set the tone for the entire day. We ending up running to every flight, and being the last ones on every plane. We were told our cat couldn't be on the plane from Houston to Corpus Christi, the last leg of the flight, and so we planned on taking a rental car from Houston and driving the last bit. As it turned out they went ahead and sent the cat (indeed, all our checked luggage) to corpus. We were so tired of the planes and airline food that we opted to get the car anyhow. Man was that a terrible idea! The three hour drive turned into five as we stopped every thirty minutes or so because whoever was driving was getting dangerously sleepy.

We got in late monday night (tuesday morning) and by friday we had looked at three houses, applied for one, and signed the lease. Monday the movers came and we got everything in the house. We had water but no power, so we opted to stay there for one night rather than stay at another hotel.

The following day we drove up to Austin (a lovely three hour drive) and visited with Anthony's family. And some of mine. Lots of fun and eating out. We bought a new car, a 2005 Nissan Sentra with only 19k miles on it. It's a fantastical little car, and I think it'll serve us well for a long time to come. (Indeed, we still love our '97 Sentra!)

Tuesday, May 6th, Anthony started his drive out to San Diego. The next day Ray and I hopped on a plane to SC and we've been here with my parents ever since. It's been a nice, relaxing time, Ray loves them to pieces. And vice versa!

On Thursday we head back to Corpus to finish setting up the house. I'm really looking forward to it...and not. I'm looking forward to being in my own space again, and I really enjoy the Portland/Corpus area. I can't wait to get the house all put together. I'm also dreading it a little, there's SO much to be done and it will be tough getting alot of work done when Ray is still so small. He's nearing the ten month mark, and really gearing up for walking. My little brother showed him how to walk by pushing a wooden chair around, and he's been doing a lot of that. He was even using the kitchen trash can earlier (freshly cleaned, fear not).

He's been handling all the moving and changing better than I could have hoped, but it's still rough. Many nights are a struggle and test my patience, which is wearing ragged. I'm very, very drained emotionally from being in limbo since mid-may and it's taking its toll. Most times when he just refuses to sleep, and cries, I cry too. I'm beyond normal, rational coping mechanisms, and crying is the easiest of the others available to me.

We had a bit of a pregnancy scare. Anthony and I had a major OOPS right before he left, and I was ovulating. I had alot of early symptoms, and my period was late, late, late. Five days. But every test was negative. And then I finally started on saturday, just minutes before I left the house to buy one final pregnancy test that I promised myself I would believe, no matter the results. Saved me $15 I guess!

I was a little disappointed, naturally, but there are still quite a few positives to not having number 2 just yet.

1. I want to breastfeed Ray a solid 18 months, but I also want a little time between babies without any babies on my boobs. MY BOOBS. KTHX.

2. I would like the babies close, but not THIS close. It would be nice to have Ray old enough to understand the baby deal a little better.

3. I want a tattoo. No respectable tattoo artist will do one on a pregnant woman. I wouldn't get it anyway while pregnant. But hey, IT'S A PLUS BECAUSE I'M NOT PATIENT K.

4. Anthony is going to be gone a ton in the next year. He needs more time with Ray, and with the next baby when that happens.

5. I want to get back in shape before the next pregnancy happens, and STAY in shape. Up my chance of VBAC and all that!

6. It would be super nice to have this scar a tad less tender before I stretch it all to hell. Ouch. I cringe thinking about a spawnling kicking me there. *shudder*

There's more, and of course there would be upsides to having one now. But sadly, my sperm donor is not readily available.

So that's the past month in a nutshell. New house is cozy, has a nice little yard. Three bedrooms, two hideous bathrooms, tiny kitchen, fairly new carpet, and new paint. Smells like a freaking pet shop, but not like feces so it's not all bad. Serious carpet cleaning shall commence forthwith. Word on the street is we'll only be there about a year if they shut down the base (and it sounds like they're doing it for realios this time) and we'd end up moving to san diego, I think. Which isn't all bad, but means we'll be in an apartment most likely. Oh, and moving while Anthony is out to sea. I like Corpus. :S We'll see how it goes!

There will likely be another break in my posting coming up, until I get internet in the new place. Obviously that is HIGH on my priority list, so it shouldn't be long. I love everyone, and miss you all! I'm lurking here and there, but I don't have as much time for commenting as I'd like. Soon!

Friday, 18 April 2008

I think I'll clarify a little in regards to my Lemmings post. I don't think I came across as well as I hoped, but I was not specifically calling into question the use of pain medications during birth, so much as how quickly women (myself included, sadly) are prepared to submit themselves to the medicalisation of what could be a normal birth, in a healthy female with an uncomplicated pregnancy, without pause or question.

Also, the lack of information that women recieve during their prenatals, and in discussions of medical interventions, either during the birth or before hand. Many people feel that they should be able to trust their doctors implicitly, as knowledgable care providers that only recommend safe, thoroughly-tested care, or, if there are risks, then they will give those to you as well. Perhaps this is more pervasive in the doctor/patient relationship when it comes to sickness. But this is sadly, quite often untrue when we're talking about an OB informing a pregnant patient.

There is a long, frightening history of doctors using untried methods to improve birth that seem like they would be a good idea.

For example, using x-ray on pregnant women to determine pelvic size. For one, pelvic size before labor is generally unreliable, as the pelvis expands to allow the baby to pass through. (Not to mention pushing/birthing in certain positions will expand the pelvis - squatting, for example - or narrow it - pushing on your back, knees pulled back to your ears) A few years, and far too many dead/deformed babies later, they said, "Hey! Perhaps exposing a fetus to strong radiation in utero is not the best plan after all!".

Pain medications are being tested on women and unconsenting, uninformed babies, during labor. There is NO research to suggest that it is safe for the baby. The research that has been done to date has alot more to do with changing doses (so as to reduce the harmful effects on the baby, that alone admitting that there ARE effects) with regards to maternal "satisfaction". Not safety, SATISFACTION. There's a very interesting blog post I found recently (and the whole blog is outstanding) about the research that is(n't) going on in this area. Please to be checking it out. :)

Anyways, I needs me some sleep. Weee I have internet still! They did cut our long distance, but at least we have this connection to the world still. :)

I was right!

I got my records from the hospital today.

I was looking through the (very few) notes about the labor/birth. It mentioned Ray's head being "asynclitic" before we did the c-section.

(Asynclitic usually meaning the head is tilted slightly, more generally it can even mean breech or posterior. Basically anything that may not be considered conducive to an easy labor, and contributes to dystocia.)

I've been wondering about this recently. Ray had a welt on his head after he was born, which scabbed over. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures on here or I'd show you. We did try the vacuum, and it popped off three times. It can be assumed that it was from the vacuum. Normally, the flat part of the top of your head, towards the back, is what presents first. The welt on Ray's head was behind and just above his ear. That's a serious tilt.

What could have been done? Alot. :( For starters, moving during the labor, as I wanted to. Walking, hip swaying/shaking, bouncing on the birthing ball, lunges. Also, not breaking my water. If the baby is not in a good position when it's done, breaking it can sometimes seal them in that unfavorable position. It's still possible for them to shift, but it's not as easy. (Not to mention the more obvious risk of cord prolapse if the baby is not "engaged" in the pelvis.)

Mostly? Just not being induced to begin with. *sigh*

ETA: An interesting article on on asynclitism in labor and what can be done to help.

Lemmings Didn't Always Jump.

Long ago, in the land of lemmings, there was a certain season when the female lemmings would go to the nearest cliff, and climb carefully down. It was dangerous, and sometimes difficult. Most lemmings had the help of an experienced guide, who had made the climb before. They would help however they could, but at times the journey was too difficult and unpredictable. Harsh storms would batter the climbers, ice would make it treacherous. Some lemmings grew too weak to climb anymore, or became sick, and would plummet to the ground.

During this time, a significant number of the climbers died. It was tragic, but it was a part of life. There was no escaping the danger.

After a time, the lemmings became more advanced. A few had the idea of sending ssome lemmings to the bottom of the cliff, where they would make a soft nest of leaves and fur. Up top, the lemmings were urged to just jump, and allow the Catchers to catch them.

For a time, matters seemed to be better. No more bruised paws, cut knees and elbows. There was a little soreness at the end, but it seemed the outcome was better. More lemmings survived.

Some, who were too weak or sick to survive the climb, were carefully lowered down to the bottom. This too, seemed a vast improvement.

After a time, the Catchers grew arrogant. They held the power that insured the female lemmings had a better chance of surviving their fall. They even gave them special leaves that took away the fear of the drop, and the pain as well.

But not all was well. The Catchers were not satisfied, because sometimes lemmings still did not make it, or they ended up badly injured. They poked and prodded at their females before the leap. More and more were being lowered down, because it was considered safe. Some seemed to take too long at the top of the cliff, and the Catchers felt it was unnatural. Some of them became Pushers. If a lemming lingered at the top too long, she was pushed off. Being pushed made the fall even more frightening and painful. The Catchers/Pushers reassured the females, saying that they just weren't sure what might go wrong if they hung around at the top too long.

More and more lemmings, even those capable of climbing on their own, jumped. Jumping, being lowered, and pushed, became normal. The females hated and feared this time in their lives, but they no longer knew any other way. A few wondered about climbing down, but everyone around them reminded them how dangerous it had once been. Also, since so many did not survive the fall wholly unscathed, (and it seemed so many had once perished from climbing) it was assumed that some female lemmings just didn't know how to climb properly. They needed help at every turn. They needed to be pushed and caught.

Times once again grew dim. Most survived their falls, but few came out whole. They were traumatized from the terrifying fall and the pain. They were scarred. So many were being lowered, and sometimes things went wrong. A Catcher didn't pay close attention, or the vine would fray and snap, sending the lemming to her death.

Some lemmings, as they came closer to the edge, began to wonder if jumping was really the only way. They remembered that climbing, while dangerous, was not as frightening for those that trusted their instincts. There were still a few scarce Guides, ready to help those unwilling to jump.

The Catchers berated the Guides, and the Climbers, for attempting such a thing. After all, in olden times it had been very dangerous.

Even the other female lemmings gave the climbers a hard time. Those that climbed successfully were no longer afraid! They felt alive and powerful. They were amazed at what they had accomplished.

The Jumpers were sometimes angry. "No one is waiting at the bottom with a medal, just because you climbed."

Other Jumpers were not impressed. "It doesn't matter how you got to the bottom. As long as we survive, that's what matters. Who cares if it's scary?"

These days, we lemmings have the power to make things better. We can still climb, indeed we were meant to. We can take a Guide with us, and she can watch for dangers that we may not see. If, during the climb, the way becomes too treacherous, or we get sick or tired, she can help us decide how to proceed. There will always be Catchers at the bottom, who will be there when we NEED it.

Why are you jumping, when you can climb?

Wednesday, 16 April 2008


Well folks, tomorrow they're cutting our connection to the world. Yes, no internet or phone but we will be DONE with telefonica, FOREVER. Can you hear the angels singing?

Not much of interest going on here. Just lots of cleaning and tying off all the remaining loose ends. Saw the pediatrician a few days ago and Ray is doing great. 19lbs and 27.5". He's really leaning up, although there's still some delicious chunk on his legs, and of course his cheeks! Yum!

He's standing on his own a bit now. The last few days he seemed to be doing it without realizing he was, but now h's definitely catching on. Earlier he was playing with his favorite toy (the purple box from our box set of harry potter books) and using it to stand up. Even holding onto it, he was pretty bent over, so he would let go and stand up straight, arms stretched out in front for balance. SO FLIPPING CUTE. So yes, he's been testing his balance on everything. <3 Watching him grow and learn new skills has to be the coolest thing. Does it ever get old?

We did a test run on the benadryl last night, as I was advised by a few other moms that while some kids get sleepy, others get WIRED. We gave it with his applesauce dinner, maybe an hour before bed, and he only woke in the night ONCE. Can I give it to him every night? Please?

I'm also giggling at the bottle. It has pictures of kids on the box, and it says "Children's Allergy" all over it. But then it has warnings about avoiding alcohol and caution when driving or operating heavy machinery. LOL. I told Ray to lay off the sauce after I gave it to him, but he's just gotta have his nightcap...

So anyways. Internet dies tomorrow, and then we leave early monday morning. We'll be staying at the lodge, which might have pay computers that I may or may not utilize to check my email. Please feel free to leave me some love, and I'll be back May 7th at the latest. Woot!