Soup Queen extraordinaire!

I'm great at making soup. Well, for myself. I guess picky people might frown on my soups, but for those of you that have good taste you'd probably enjoy it.

Tonight I had a ton of leftover this and thats in the fridge, so I threw it all into a packet of Maggi boullion. This included spicy beef sausage, peas, steamed corn off the cob, rice, frozen spinach, crab meat (the imitation chunks, that aren't actually imitation but made with real crab meat), and onions. A dash of garlic powder and cumin, and voila! Yumminess.

I exhort everyone to get creative this weekend and throw together some kitchen sink soup!

As a side note, Mike on Desperate Housewives isn't nearly so hot in season 3 without all his confidence and muscles. And omfg Zack needs to lose the hair before I hunt his ass down and go after it with a lawnmower.

In other news, little man seems alot better today. No rash, crankiness at a minimum. After poking around online it sounds like it may have been roseola, aka a few days of high-ish fever ending with a rash. Sounds familiar!

Crisis Averted, I suppose.

So SHE called me while I was at the laundromat wednesday. (Joy upon joy, I assure you.) Told me she wasn't letting me out of the lease, and of course tried to make it my own fault. Blathered on about how the house was too messy to show it, and too messy to assess damages. I said uh, hello? I would move before we do a walkthrough. (DUH.) And I was ready to basically end the lease within two days, and be out and everything. So basically, she had no intention of letting us go in the first place. I asked her, during that phone call, why she had kept asking me to leave then. She then reminded me when she expected the rent and hung up.

Bitch.

So now? Everything in writing, with pictures, before and after repairs, and no more hand-delivered rent checks. The gloves are off, and I'll still be taking my lease to a lawyer to peruse for loopholes. (Sidenote, that's the correct use of "peruse", which really means to look through something deeply, not skim!) Next time it happens we will MAKE a way out of this place, if we have to tunnel out of here.

Roaches are still around, but seem better. Pest guy checked the rat bait yesterday, and no sign of any funny business. He was really nice, too, a little older, and Ray loved him. Actually ran up to him, arms up to be held. He doesn't really do that with other folks, but if this kid doesn't have Anthonys and my intuition with people then I'll be a monkeys uncle.

Ray has been up a ton the past few nights. Started off with a fever around the time we went to the laundromat (one of those annoying off/on afternoon/evening fevers, though it ran fairly high thursday, 102-103), and then up all friday night. That morning (just before his 1yr well-baby appt) he had a spotty red rash all over his belly and back. The dr said it might be measles, at first, then when I explained more about what had happened, decided it might be chicken pox.

And again, joy upon joy. So he's been cranky (for his temperament) and up again last night. The tummy rash hasn't changed but now there's this weird business on his thigh. No more fevers though, so maybe he'll be getting better soon.

Mmmmm, fried rice. Made up some fresh rice last night, sauteed some onions and eggs in and used the easy imitation-only-not-imitation crab meat. Found out it tastes MUCH better than the actual imitation crab from the same brand. All buttery and delicious. Yum.

Despite my kvetching (half the reason I haven't blogged much lately, it'd all be incessant bitching) we're not doing too terrible out here. My neighbor spoils me, and just mowed my front lawn after he did his. I really need to go buy them a thing of gas. Stupid lawn services are like $40 around here (and that's from a nice, cheap guy) just for mowing, and I apparently have recently developed a serious grass allergy. Last time I mowed it (in jeans and a tanktop) I broke out into a monster rash all over my arms, neck and shoulders. It looked (and felt) like poison ivy. Didn't have that problem when I was younger, mowed my share of lawns in my time, and never had this happen.

Thankfully, once Anthony is on this ship he won't be gone more than 2-3 weeks at a time so he'll be able to keep up with the mowing. Ignoring the 6 month cruise next year, of course. But by that time we'll probably be preparing for San Diego, or hey, maybe out of this dungheap! Woo!

Oh Em Gee

Believe it or not, I'm still alive. I've been in hiding, because I didn't want to turn my blog into a bitchfest about my landlady. Suffice it to say, she can't stand that I complain about her busted ass slum we're living in and has been straight rude, mean, and obnoxious. I'm already a nervous wreck 24/7 about it, so I'll keep it short and say that if things go well tomorrow we'll be moving by the end of the month to a great townhouse community nearby. I'm really really excited to be out of this old horrid house, with the roaches and insulation in the AC vents and mice and...yeah.

I'm sad to say goodbye to our neighbors though. The couple next door has three kids and they've been nothing but sweet and helpful. Feeding the cat during my frequent travels, mowing my lawn on occasion, and offering to watch Ray. I'll probably take them up on that offer during the move, and find them a nice gift card for a restaraunt or something in thanks. Can't think of anything else that would cover the whole family as far as a gift.

Been traveling alot, seeing family and such. We had a great time in NY and NH, seeing all the great grandparents, grand aunts/uncles, and first and second cousins and such. Ray loved playing with our cousins, and it was all a little weird for me. There's quite the age range among me and the cousins on my moms side, as my son is only a year younger than my youngest cousin, so I'm really stuck between generations.

So yeah. I'm strung out and probably going to need high blood pressure meds if this keeps up. Things are sounding good on getting out of here this week however, and lemme tell you that will be three million pounds off my shoulders. Tomorrow we will be sealing the deal on when exactly I'll be out of here, thank god. For better or worse, at least we'll have some closure.

Ugh don't think I'll sleep much tonight. ><

Once again, it's been a bit. Oops?

Once again, I've fallen off the bandwagon here.

Just got in from CA day before yesterday. Had an awesome trip visiting Anthony and Shannapance. Lots of silliness ensued, and I ate far, FAR too much junk food. I think I'll yack on the next greasy burger joint I see. Bleh. It was really nice though, and we managed to get Ray sleeping on his own (with minimal screaming, these days), and mostly night-weaned. Shanna and I enjoyed many late nights watching Ghost Hunters or playing WoW. It's really freaking hot out there, and expensive as all get out. Looks like we'll be broke again come this time next year. Lol.

Ray is a walking machine, and more communicative by the day. Today he came over to me from playing, laid cool little hands on my knee, and grunted out a poop. Not two minutes later he brought me a clean diaper. It was great. He also managed to get his hands on a big old pizza crust (only cheese and some veggies on it) and wolf it down this morning as well.

--Continuing this post friday, started it thursday--


(And the stuffed animals were only in there while I vacuumed, although he's at an age where I'm not terribly worried.)

Ray has a real room now! With an actual crib! I emailed a few craigslist folks last night and by this morning had emails and calls. I ended up driving down to flour bluff to pick up a nice oak crib and mattress for only $60. It's in fantastic shape, barely even scratched for having had a 2 year old just move out of it. I also put up some cute safari animal border and stickies on the wall. Just to continue the theme (and add a little extra to the room) I set up his rainforest playmat on the floor. Looks pretty cute to me! (Oh, and you can't really tell but the sheet on the crib is also safari animals.) I get so damn tired seeing boys stuff that's all trucks or sports. It's like, "I have a boy, and I want him to be a construction worker or an athlete!". Both perfectly fine vocations, but backbreaking physical labor is not my first choice for my son. If he ends up really interested in that stuff, cool, but I'm not gonna shove it down his throat just because of the business between his legs.

Anyways. I love my car. I was really worried the crib wouldn't fit, but I folded down the seat 60/40 (with Ray's seat on the 40 side) and drove down there. I mean, we were almost able to lay the crib parts down flat that way, it was SO not a close call.

Crap, Ray is asleep and one of those monster bugs is in my room. If I turn on the vacuum he'll wake up. But grooooooooooooooossssssss. *vomits*

Ok I'm for seriously bored now. Crap.

Between money worries, car worries, Ray being sick and me being just drained, drained, drained, I've mostly been sitting on my tush, watching TV and reading. Just kind of surviving until I head to CA this weekend and get a much needed break, and some much more needed grown up time with Anthony and my best friend.

I went to the beach saturday with my cousin and her boyfriend and his kids. It was alot of fun, a perfect day for the beach, and the little ones all loved the sand and water. I got quite a burn on my legs (my upper half is pretty well tanned already) but nothing too severe, I don't think I'll even peel.

I went ahead and started Ray on the antibiotics for his ear infection, and he's improved remarkably. Back to walking more and more, and getting into everything.

Just found out today that the stupid shippers in Spain gave the car BACK to our friend (after he'd already dropped it off/had it inspected to be shipped) because of an oil leak. At this point, we're going to just cut our losses and try selling it. It's not a perfect car, but I've seen the beaters that people buy on base (cars go through a million and one owners once they get attached to military bases) and so I think we shouldn't have too much trouble getting at least a little cash for it. However, this does mean that we'll be buying my car much sooner (we were going to next year, after we paid off the new one with the tax return) so I probably won't get much of a quality vehicle. Plus it postpones my washer and drier even more. Major bummer.

My house is still a wreck, I've been less than motivated to do much more than just keep the dishes clean. Oh well. Any one of these issues would be a breeze on it's own, but all lumped together I'm pretty overwhelmed to say the least. We should be getting the proper amount each paycheck come july 1st, plus alot of back pay. That will help things immensely!

Thank you AMA/ACOG, but I think NOT.

Dunno how many of you keep up with current news in the birthing world, but there's some scary shit going on. I haven't been blogging much on it since most every birth blog I know of has said it all, and far more eloquently than I. However, I feel that every one, whether they're part of the birthing community, have children, don't have them, male, female, old or young, needs to know about this. I'd like to think that this is all utterly unconstitutional and so shall never be passed, but these days I've lost more than a little faith in the government. I think the Big Push for Midwives said it perfectly when they called this fiasco "Big Brother meets Father Knows Best".

The AMA (American Medical Association) has joined the ACOG (American College of Gynecologists) in frowning heavily on homebirth, and gone a step further in suggesting that legislation be introduced that "supports" the notion that the safest place for birthing and the post-partum period is in the hospital.

I mean...wow. Just wow. It seems every day that passes makes this country a more scary place to live.

The quote in full: (emphasis mine)

Whereas, Twenty-one states currently license midwives to attend
home births, all using the certified professional midwife (CPM)
credential (CPM or "lay midwives), not the certified midwives (CM)
credential which both the American College of Obstetricians and
Gynecologists (ACOG) and American College of Nurse Midwives (ACNM)
recognize[1]; and

Whereas,
There has been much attention in the media by celebrities having home
deliveries, with recent Today Show headings such as Ricki Lake takes on
baby birthing industry: Actress and former talk show host shares her
at-home delivery in new film [2]; and

Whereas,
An apparently uncomplicated pregnancy or delivery can quickly become
very complicated in the setting of maternal hemorrhage, shoulder
dystocia, eclampsia or other obstetric emergencies, necessitating the
need for rigorous standards, appropriate oversight of obstetric
providers, and the availability of emergency care, for the health of
both the mother and the baby during a delivery; therefore be it

RESOLVED,
That our American Medical Association support the recent American
College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) statement that the
safest setting for labor, delivery, and the immediate post-partum
period is in the hospital, or a birthing center within a hospital
complex, that meets standards jointly outlined by the American Academy
of Pediatrics (AAP) and ACOG, or in a freestanding birthing center that
meets the standards of the Accreditation Association for Ambulatory
Health Care, The Joint Commission, or the American Association of Birth
Centers [3] (New HOD Policy); and be it further

RESOLVED,
That our AMA develop model legislation in support of the concept that
the safest setting for labor, delivery, and the immediate post-partum
period is in the hospital, or a birthing center within a hospital
complex, that meets standards jointly outlined by the AAP and ACOG, or
in a freestanding birthing center that meets the standards of the
Accreditation Association for Ambulatory Health Care, The Joint
Commission, or the American Association of Birth Centers. (Directive to
Take Action)

Fiscal Note: Implement accordingly at estimated staff cost of $1,929.

Received: 04/28/08

The thought of having CPS take my children because I chose to give birth at home with a midwife is absolutely terrifying to me.

If I can make it

Let's see if I can make it ONE FLIPPING DAY without any kind of service person or repairmen in my house. Jesus.

Day one - Walk in the door and there's no AC. It's 90+ inside and hotter out. We spend an absolutely miserable afternoon sweating our nuts off as it took hours for the guy to fix it.

Monday - Guy installs internet/cable. Woo. Plumber comes to fix sink in my bathroom, which has a leaky pipe. (Idiots who lived here before duct-taped it. NOT WORKING, GENIUSES.) AC guys return because when they first got it running, insulation and grit shot out of EVERY vent. Yuck. That afternoon lawn man comes and hacks away at my jungle of a backyard.

Thursday night, as I'm getting out of the shower, the hot water handle busts and I can't turn off the water. At almost midnight. Plumber coming in the morning, as the fix could take a few hours and I don't want to be up all night with Ray. The bathroom was all drippy and steamy in the morning, even though a window was open. The good news is my water heater is freaking epic, as the water was apparently hot most of the night. Come to my house for eternal showers!

Friday, plumber replaces the faucets, and our final shipment is delivered. (Bad news on the water heater is it's somehow "not up to code" so I guess it needs replacing or some shit. Maybe because it's TINY. Or something. But still, with the eternal water.) Other good news is the water company checked the meter for me and it was "only" about 1000 gallons. Apparently in water world, that's not bad. Of course I've only been showering every other day, one person using the toilet, I almost never wash my hands now (thank you, hand dermatitis) and I haven't done dishes and there's no washer for laundry. So the water bill should be miniscule anyhow.

My computer case is a bit dented on the front, but it's on a decorative area so I figured it was just superficial. Turned on fine, but the sound wasn't working so I went to pull it out of the desk and see if anything was loose. The outside of the case SHOCKED me. Like, the whole freaking thing was electrified. It wasn't a huge shock, but running my fingers along the case it buzzed with electricity. Outstanding. So, rather than 1-damage the pc further, 2-have Ray hurt touching it and 3-start a freaking house fire, I'm using Anthony's until I can file a claim with the moving company and get it replaced. I might opt for claiming the whole pc, and not just the case...I could use some upgrades. I mean, if I still had my dell I would have to anyhow, dell motherboards are soldered to the case. GG.

Well anyway, I'm going to take my boy to the beach, I think.

Long time no see!

Well it's been over a month since my last post, and A TON has happened. I'll try to keep it brief but still give you an idea of what we've been up to.

We left Spain April 21st. We woke up late (slept through the alarm, oops) and it unfortunately set the tone for the entire day. We ending up running to every flight, and being the last ones on every plane. We were told our cat couldn't be on the plane from Houston to Corpus Christi, the last leg of the flight, and so we planned on taking a rental car from Houston and driving the last bit. As it turned out they went ahead and sent the cat (indeed, all our checked luggage) to corpus. We were so tired of the planes and airline food that we opted to get the car anyhow. Man was that a terrible idea! The three hour drive turned into five as we stopped every thirty minutes or so because whoever was driving was getting dangerously sleepy.

We got in late monday night (tuesday morning) and by friday we had looked at three houses, applied for one, and signed the lease. Monday the movers came and we got everything in the house. We had water but no power, so we opted to stay there for one night rather than stay at another hotel.

The following day we drove up to Austin (a lovely three hour drive) and visited with Anthony's family. And some of mine. Lots of fun and eating out. We bought a new car, a 2005 Nissan Sentra with only 19k miles on it. It's a fantastical little car, and I think it'll serve us well for a long time to come. (Indeed, we still love our '97 Sentra!)

Tuesday, May 6th, Anthony started his drive out to San Diego. The next day Ray and I hopped on a plane to SC and we've been here with my parents ever since. It's been a nice, relaxing time, Ray loves them to pieces. And vice versa!

On Thursday we head back to Corpus to finish setting up the house. I'm really looking forward to it...and not. I'm looking forward to being in my own space again, and I really enjoy the Portland/Corpus area. I can't wait to get the house all put together. I'm also dreading it a little, there's SO much to be done and it will be tough getting alot of work done when Ray is still so small. He's nearing the ten month mark, and really gearing up for walking. My little brother showed him how to walk by pushing a wooden chair around, and he's been doing a lot of that. He was even using the kitchen trash can earlier (freshly cleaned, fear not).

He's been handling all the moving and changing better than I could have hoped, but it's still rough. Many nights are a struggle and test my patience, which is wearing ragged. I'm very, very drained emotionally from being in limbo since mid-may and it's taking its toll. Most times when he just refuses to sleep, and cries, I cry too. I'm beyond normal, rational coping mechanisms, and crying is the easiest of the others available to me.

We had a bit of a pregnancy scare. Anthony and I had a major OOPS right before he left, and I was ovulating. I had alot of early symptoms, and my period was late, late, late. Five days. But every test was negative. And then I finally started on saturday, just minutes before I left the house to buy one final pregnancy test that I promised myself I would believe, no matter the results. Saved me $15 I guess!

I was a little disappointed, naturally, but there are still quite a few positives to not having number 2 just yet.

1. I want to breastfeed Ray a solid 18 months, but I also want a little time between babies without any babies on my boobs. MY BOOBS. KTHX.

2. I would like the babies close, but not THIS close. It would be nice to have Ray old enough to understand the baby deal a little better.

3. I want a tattoo. No respectable tattoo artist will do one on a pregnant woman. I wouldn't get it anyway while pregnant. But hey, IT'S A PLUS BECAUSE I'M NOT PATIENT K.

4. Anthony is going to be gone a ton in the next year. He needs more time with Ray, and with the next baby when that happens.

5. I want to get back in shape before the next pregnancy happens, and STAY in shape. Up my chance of VBAC and all that!

6. It would be super nice to have this scar a tad less tender before I stretch it all to hell. Ouch. I cringe thinking about a spawnling kicking me there. *shudder*

There's more, and of course there would be upsides to having one now. But sadly, my sperm donor is not readily available.

So that's the past month in a nutshell. New house is cozy, has a nice little yard. Three bedrooms, two hideous bathrooms, tiny kitchen, fairly new carpet, and new paint. Smells like a freaking pet shop, but not like feces so it's not all bad. Serious carpet cleaning shall commence forthwith. Word on the street is we'll only be there about a year if they shut down the base (and it sounds like they're doing it for realios this time) and we'd end up moving to san diego, I think. Which isn't all bad, but means we'll be in an apartment most likely. Oh, and moving while Anthony is out to sea. I like Corpus. :S We'll see how it goes!

There will likely be another break in my posting coming up, until I get internet in the new place. Obviously that is HIGH on my priority list, so it shouldn't be long. I love everyone, and miss you all! I'm lurking here and there, but I don't have as much time for commenting as I'd like. Soon!

I think I'll clarify a little in regards to my Lemmings post. I don't think I came across as well as I hoped, but I was not specifically calling into question the use of pain medications during birth, so much as how quickly women (myself included, sadly) are prepared to submit themselves to the medicalisation of what could be a normal birth, in a healthy female with an uncomplicated pregnancy, without pause or question.

Also, the lack of information that women recieve during their prenatals, and in discussions of medical interventions, either during the birth or before hand. Many people feel that they should be able to trust their doctors implicitly, as knowledgable care providers that only recommend safe, thoroughly-tested care, or, if there are risks, then they will give those to you as well. Perhaps this is more pervasive in the doctor/patient relationship when it comes to sickness. But this is sadly, quite often untrue when we're talking about an OB informing a pregnant patient.

There is a long, frightening history of doctors using untried methods to improve birth that seem like they would be a good idea.

For example, using x-ray on pregnant women to determine pelvic size. For one, pelvic size before labor is generally unreliable, as the pelvis expands to allow the baby to pass through. (Not to mention pushing/birthing in certain positions will expand the pelvis - squatting, for example - or narrow it - pushing on your back, knees pulled back to your ears) A few years, and far too many dead/deformed babies later, they said, "Hey! Perhaps exposing a fetus to strong radiation in utero is not the best plan after all!".

Pain medications are being tested on women and unconsenting, uninformed babies, during labor. There is NO research to suggest that it is safe for the baby. The research that has been done to date has alot more to do with changing doses (so as to reduce the harmful effects on the baby, that alone admitting that there ARE effects) with regards to maternal "satisfaction". Not safety, SATISFACTION. There's a very interesting blog post I found recently (and the whole blog is outstanding) about the research that is(n't) going on in this area. Please to be checking it out. :)

Anyways, I needs me some sleep. Weee I have internet still! They did cut our long distance, but at least we have this connection to the world still. :)

I was right!

I got my records from the hospital today.

I was looking through the (very few) notes about the labor/birth. It mentioned Ray's head being "asynclitic" before we did the c-section.

(Asynclitic usually meaning the head is tilted slightly, more generally it can even mean breech or posterior. Basically anything that may not be considered conducive to an easy labor, and contributes to dystocia.)

I've been wondering about this recently. Ray had a welt on his head after he was born, which scabbed over. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures on here or I'd show you. We did try the vacuum, and it popped off three times. It can be assumed that it was from the vacuum. Normally, the flat part of the top of your head, towards the back, is what presents first. The welt on Ray's head was behind and just above his ear. That's a serious tilt.

What could have been done? Alot. :( For starters, moving during the labor, as I wanted to. Walking, hip swaying/shaking, bouncing on the birthing ball, lunges. Also, not breaking my water. If the baby is not in a good position when it's done, breaking it can sometimes seal them in that unfavorable position. It's still possible for them to shift, but it's not as easy. (Not to mention the more obvious risk of cord prolapse if the baby is not "engaged" in the pelvis.)

Mostly? Just not being induced to begin with. *sigh*

ETA: An interesting article on spinningbabies.com on asynclitism in labor and what can be done to help.

Lemmings Didn't Always Jump.

Long ago, in the land of lemmings, there was a certain season when the female lemmings would go to the nearest cliff, and climb carefully down. It was dangerous, and sometimes difficult. Most lemmings had the help of an experienced guide, who had made the climb before. They would help however they could, but at times the journey was too difficult and unpredictable. Harsh storms would batter the climbers, ice would make it treacherous. Some lemmings grew too weak to climb anymore, or became sick, and would plummet to the ground.

During this time, a significant number of the climbers died. It was tragic, but it was a part of life. There was no escaping the danger.

After a time, the lemmings became more advanced. A few had the idea of sending ssome lemmings to the bottom of the cliff, where they would make a soft nest of leaves and fur. Up top, the lemmings were urged to just jump, and allow the Catchers to catch them.

For a time, matters seemed to be better. No more bruised paws, cut knees and elbows. There was a little soreness at the end, but it seemed the outcome was better. More lemmings survived.

Some, who were too weak or sick to survive the climb, were carefully lowered down to the bottom. This too, seemed a vast improvement.

After a time, the Catchers grew arrogant. They held the power that insured the female lemmings had a better chance of surviving their fall. They even gave them special leaves that took away the fear of the drop, and the pain as well.

But not all was well. The Catchers were not satisfied, because sometimes lemmings still did not make it, or they ended up badly injured. They poked and prodded at their females before the leap. More and more were being lowered down, because it was considered safe. Some seemed to take too long at the top of the cliff, and the Catchers felt it was unnatural. Some of them became Pushers. If a lemming lingered at the top too long, she was pushed off. Being pushed made the fall even more frightening and painful. The Catchers/Pushers reassured the females, saying that they just weren't sure what might go wrong if they hung around at the top too long.

More and more lemmings, even those capable of climbing on their own, jumped. Jumping, being lowered, and pushed, became normal. The females hated and feared this time in their lives, but they no longer knew any other way. A few wondered about climbing down, but everyone around them reminded them how dangerous it had once been. Also, since so many did not survive the fall wholly unscathed, (and it seemed so many had once perished from climbing) it was assumed that some female lemmings just didn't know how to climb properly. They needed help at every turn. They needed to be pushed and caught.

Times once again grew dim. Most survived their falls, but few came out whole. They were traumatized from the terrifying fall and the pain. They were scarred. So many were being lowered, and sometimes things went wrong. A Catcher didn't pay close attention, or the vine would fray and snap, sending the lemming to her death.

Some lemmings, as they came closer to the edge, began to wonder if jumping was really the only way. They remembered that climbing, while dangerous, was not as frightening for those that trusted their instincts. There were still a few scarce Guides, ready to help those unwilling to jump.

The Catchers berated the Guides, and the Climbers, for attempting such a thing. After all, in olden times it had been very dangerous.

Even the other female lemmings gave the climbers a hard time. Those that climbed successfully were no longer afraid! They felt alive and powerful. They were amazed at what they had accomplished.

The Jumpers were sometimes angry. "No one is waiting at the bottom with a medal, just because you climbed."

Other Jumpers were not impressed. "It doesn't matter how you got to the bottom. As long as we survive, that's what matters. Who cares if it's scary?"

These days, we lemmings have the power to make things better. We can still climb, indeed we were meant to. We can take a Guide with us, and she can watch for dangers that we may not see. If, during the climb, the way becomes too treacherous, or we get sick or tired, she can help us decide how to proceed. There will always be Catchers at the bottom, who will be there when we NEED it.

Why are you jumping, when you can climb?

Leeeaaaving

Well folks, tomorrow they're cutting our connection to the world. Yes, no internet or phone but we will be DONE with telefonica, FOREVER. Can you hear the angels singing?

Not much of interest going on here. Just lots of cleaning and tying off all the remaining loose ends. Saw the pediatrician a few days ago and Ray is doing great. 19lbs and 27.5". He's really leaning up, although there's still some delicious chunk on his legs, and of course his cheeks! Yum!

He's standing on his own a bit now. The last few days he seemed to be doing it without realizing he was, but now h's definitely catching on. Earlier he was playing with his favorite toy (the purple box from our box set of harry potter books) and using it to stand up. Even holding onto it, he was pretty bent over, so he would let go and stand up straight, arms stretched out in front for balance. SO FLIPPING CUTE. So yes, he's been testing his balance on everything. <3 Watching him grow and learn new skills has to be the coolest thing. Does it ever get old?

We did a test run on the benadryl last night, as I was advised by a few other moms that while some kids get sleepy, others get WIRED. We gave it with his applesauce dinner, maybe an hour before bed, and he only woke in the night ONCE. Can I give it to him every night? Please?

I'm also giggling at the bottle. It has pictures of kids on the box, and it says "Children's Allergy" all over it. But then it has warnings about avoiding alcohol and caution when driving or operating heavy machinery. LOL. I told Ray to lay off the sauce after I gave it to him, but he's just gotta have his nightcap...

So anyways. Internet dies tomorrow, and then we leave early monday morning. We'll be staying at the lodge, which might have pay computers that I may or may not utilize to check my email. Please feel free to leave me some love, and I'll be back May 7th at the latest. Woot!

Everything is Ruined

The Olympics already blow this year. Blah. I was honestly kind of surprised when I heard China would be hosting, and all the protesting shows why. I just don't think of them as the happy peaceful world-friendship kind of place. (Of course, neither are we...) I can't help thinking of the women there who want kids, and some, if they don't kiss ass enough to get a license to have more, end up with forced abortions. Of course it's all deny deny deny...but can you imagine? I'm shuddering at forced c-sections in the US, but abortion. Yikes.

Tralala

Hooray for headphones. I got a nice pair of noise-reducing earbuds, they sound great. I'm listening to Oprah's interview with the "pregnant man" as I type. I'm kind of less impressed by this whole thing...at first I found it supremely interesting, and I still do to some extent (why else would I listen to this?), but it's like...woman, becomes lesbian, becomes male, but keeps uterus and such...so it's still a pregnant woman, physically speaking. I think it's not quite as fantastic as people are making it out to be. I guess the huge hold up is legally he's a he. I still wonder how he's going to feel after the birth, if he'll still feel that he can function in a father role having gone through what mothers do. I don't doubt that fathers bond very closely with their children, but even on a strictly base, instinctive, hormonal level, it is different. And I really wonder how much "feeling male" is going to cover it.

I don't begrudge them their child. They've faced many difficulties to be where they are today, and certainly many less than savory characters who are strictly heterosexual have children and then don't treat them right. I think they'll be fabulous parents, and that child will have a unique upbringing and a very interesting story to tell one day!

On to other things. Happy birthday to Anthony! He's reached the ripe old age of 27. It's been a somewhat unhappy birthday, sadly, as he's been getting alot of flack at work because of some asshat in leadership that's lazy. He (said asshat) is basically fixing the schedule so he can be a lazy shitbag, and dragging a rake behind him to cover his tracks. Unfortunately this time Anthony was the rake, and he's paying for shitheads irresponsibility. *sigh* It shouldn't go any higher than a DRB (disciplinary something or other board) and then likely get tossed out, because everyone at the command knows what's going on. One of the newer folks missed a watch recently for general shitbaggery and had to go to DRB, so it would look really bad if they didn't send Anthony up a mere week later. *sigh*

We're hoping for a trip to Gibraltar tomorrow. Woowoo monkeys!

Had a good time at Pub Los Arcos last night, kind of a penultimate final hurrah. I did some crazy assed shot called a Quack Quack, which was interesting and ended with me getting a tiny burn on my hand. I think my hands are too small to pull it off as easily as the guys.

We had our packout yesterday, and somewhat to my dismay they packed EVERYTHING in the kitchen. Which was sort of what I wanted, dishes-wise, but I thought they couldn't pack foodstuffs that were already open. I was patently mistaken, and went pretty hungry today as our fridge is fairly bare, and even the easy things like waffles, bisquick for pancakes, would have benefited greatly with the addition of syrup or honey. We used raspberry jam, and while I would never desire to eat it that way again, it was tolerable. Needless to say we went shopping this afternoon and bought dinners and such. Hopefully it will last us.

I've been spending alot of time blog-hopping, although I'm hitting a point in the birth blogs where I'm just reading the same info over and over again. This is part of the reason why I've not really blogged much about it, so many have already said it, and so much more powerfully than I. One thing I'd like to look into more is court-ordered cesareans and the effect of traumatic birth on babies.

I've found out that with a c-section you miss out on alot of the natural bonding processes. Especially after an induced labor, I probably didn't have my own hormones going that would aid in that process. In nature, if you deliver an animals young by c-section the mother will not even recognize her offspring. She won't take care of them. Now I'm not saying that I (or any c-section mama) neglect our babies, or don't love them just as much as the next mom, but for some it can be harder, and take longer. I think it contributed to our difficulty breastfeeding. I know that being unable to hold Ray for long periods in the first few weeks affected me negatively.

There is a thing called a trauma bond, where two people who have been through something traumatic together form an especially tight bond. I don't know if traumatic is the right term for my end of things, exceedingly difficult, certainly. His end though, I would guess most certainly was traumatic. Pitocin is a nasty, nasty drug. Contractions are longer, stronger, and come faster. I remember having 15-30 seconds of "break" between contractions, for hours. And even during those breaks, it still HURT. There was no "ahhh, a rest!". I can't even imagine how hard that must have been on him. Even in a normal birth, they've found that labor is intense and painful for the baby as well as mom. Not to mention being pushed on in a terrible position for four hours, possibly with his head malpositioned, having the dr and nurses poking at his head, the vacuum attempts (which left him with a huge, scabbed welt for over a week afterwards) and then the c-section. It's no wonder he was so loud after they pulled him out. It was cold, bright, and people he had never heard were handling him, holding him up in the air, prodding, testing, cleaning, before he even saw his daddy, much less me. I wonder how those experiences, his first outside the womb, will shape his personality in years to come.

As you can probably tell, I've been mowing through blogs left and right. So much amazing, troubling, thought-provoking, horrifying information to process. Feminism, racism, horrors from the war in Iraq that you'd never hear about from "news" broadcasts produced by the same people who produce soap operas...religion, politics. My head is spinning, in such a good way. I've been intellectually stimulated in ways that I haven't in years. Possibly ever. It's wonderful. So I apologize for my infrequent posts. Check out some of the blogs on the right, and see the "fun" I've been into lately. I'm busy growing. :)

Time for some alone time with the birthday man...shhh, I think I'm ovulating. ;) We're not trying, but I wouldn't complain if something more resulted. :D

It's getting awfully scary around here

I was reading a post yesterday about obstetricians performing c-sections under court order.

Wow. I'm almost speechless. And I'm furious. This means that pregnant women have fewer rights (medically speaking) than dead bodies. You can't do shit to a body without consent.

This whole deal of placing the unborn childs needs before the mother is...shaky. It's a nice idea, but in practice? A frightening breach of human rights. Especially in a supposedly pro-choice country. The idea that the woman in the article could likely have shown up to that hospital a few months earlier and had that same baby, who was in "grave danger", and have it aborted, and would not have received a second look...it's beyond me. I'm not here to debate abortion, it's an awfully sticky subject.

But the idea that a woman, simply because she is pregnant, can not be trusted to weigh her options, risks, and make the best choice for her AND her baby is sad and about 4000 steps in the wrong direction.

As a woman who is hoping for an HBAC in the next few years, the idea is especially troubling.

And people want to hand over the reins of the medical industry to the government? I'm moving far, far, far away.