So SHE called me while I was at the laundromat wednesday. (Joy upon joy, I assure you.) Told me she wasn't letting me out of the lease, and of course tried to make it my own fault. Blathered on about how the house was too messy to show it, and too messy to assess damages. I said uh, hello? I would move before we do a walkthrough. (DUH.) And I was ready to basically end the lease within two days, and be out and everything. So basically, she had no intention of letting us go in the first place. I asked her, during that phone call, why she had kept asking me to leave then. She then reminded me when she expected the rent and hung up.
Bitch.
So now? Everything in writing, with pictures, before and after repairs, and no more hand-delivered rent checks. The gloves are off, and I'll still be taking my lease to a lawyer to peruse for loopholes. (Sidenote, that's the correct use of "peruse", which really means to look through something deeply, not skim!) Next time it happens we will MAKE a way out of this place, if we have to tunnel out of here.
Roaches are still around, but seem better. Pest guy checked the rat bait yesterday, and no sign of any funny business. He was really nice, too, a little older, and Ray loved him. Actually ran up to him, arms up to be held. He doesn't really do that with other folks, but if this kid doesn't have Anthonys and my intuition with people then I'll be a monkeys uncle.
Ray has been up a ton the past few nights. Started off with a fever around the time we went to the laundromat (one of those annoying off/on afternoon/evening fevers, though it ran fairly high thursday, 102-103), and then up all friday night. That morning (just before his 1yr well-baby appt) he had a spotty red rash all over his belly and back. The dr said it might be measles, at first, then when I explained more about what had happened, decided it might be chicken pox.
And again, joy upon joy. So he's been cranky (for his temperament) and up again last night. The tummy rash hasn't changed but now there's this weird business on his thigh. No more fevers though, so maybe he'll be getting better soon.
Mmmmm, fried rice. Made up some fresh rice last night, sauteed some onions and eggs in and used the easy imitation-only-not-imitation crab meat. Found out it tastes MUCH better than the actual imitation crab from the same brand. All buttery and delicious. Yum.
Despite my kvetching (half the reason I haven't blogged much lately, it'd all be incessant bitching) we're not doing too terrible out here. My neighbor spoils me, and just mowed my front lawn after he did his. I really need to go buy them a thing of gas. Stupid lawn services are like $40 around here (and that's from a nice, cheap guy) just for mowing, and I apparently have recently developed a serious grass allergy. Last time I mowed it (in jeans and a tanktop) I broke out into a monster rash all over my arms, neck and shoulders. It looked (and felt) like poison ivy. Didn't have that problem when I was younger, mowed my share of lawns in my time, and never had this happen.
Thankfully, once Anthony is on this ship he won't be gone more than 2-3 weeks at a time so he'll be able to keep up with the mowing. Ignoring the 6 month cruise next year, of course. But by that time we'll probably be preparing for San Diego, or hey, maybe out of this dungheap! Woo!
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moving. Show all posts
Saturday, 30 August 2008
Monday, 25 August 2008
Oh Em Gee
Believe it or not, I'm still alive. I've been in hiding, because I didn't want to turn my blog into a bitchfest about my landlady. Suffice it to say, she can't stand that I complain about her busted ass slum we're living in and has been straight rude, mean, and obnoxious. I'm already a nervous wreck 24/7 about it, so I'll keep it short and say that if things go well tomorrow we'll be moving by the end of the month to a great townhouse community nearby. I'm really really excited to be out of this old horrid house, with the roaches and insulation in the AC vents and mice and...yeah.
I'm sad to say goodbye to our neighbors though. The couple next door has three kids and they've been nothing but sweet and helpful. Feeding the cat during my frequent travels, mowing my lawn on occasion, and offering to watch Ray. I'll probably take them up on that offer during the move, and find them a nice gift card for a restaraunt or something in thanks. Can't think of anything else that would cover the whole family as far as a gift.
Been traveling alot, seeing family and such. We had a great time in NY and NH, seeing all the great grandparents, grand aunts/uncles, and first and second cousins and such. Ray loved playing with our cousins, and it was all a little weird for me. There's quite the age range among me and the cousins on my moms side, as my son is only a year younger than my youngest cousin, so I'm really stuck between generations.
So yeah. I'm strung out and probably going to need high blood pressure meds if this keeps up. Things are sounding good on getting out of here this week however, and lemme tell you that will be three million pounds off my shoulders. Tomorrow we will be sealing the deal on when exactly I'll be out of here, thank god. For better or worse, at least we'll have some closure.
Ugh don't think I'll sleep much tonight. ><
I'm sad to say goodbye to our neighbors though. The couple next door has three kids and they've been nothing but sweet and helpful. Feeding the cat during my frequent travels, mowing my lawn on occasion, and offering to watch Ray. I'll probably take them up on that offer during the move, and find them a nice gift card for a restaraunt or something in thanks. Can't think of anything else that would cover the whole family as far as a gift.
Been traveling alot, seeing family and such. We had a great time in NY and NH, seeing all the great grandparents, grand aunts/uncles, and first and second cousins and such. Ray loved playing with our cousins, and it was all a little weird for me. There's quite the age range among me and the cousins on my moms side, as my son is only a year younger than my youngest cousin, so I'm really stuck between generations.
So yeah. I'm strung out and probably going to need high blood pressure meds if this keeps up. Things are sounding good on getting out of here this week however, and lemme tell you that will be three million pounds off my shoulders. Tomorrow we will be sealing the deal on when exactly I'll be out of here, thank god. For better or worse, at least we'll have some closure.
Ugh don't think I'll sleep much tonight. ><
Saturday, 7 June 2008
If I can make it
Let's see if I can make it ONE FLIPPING DAY without any kind of service person or repairmen in my house. Jesus.
Day one - Walk in the door and there's no AC. It's 90+ inside and hotter out. We spend an absolutely miserable afternoon sweating our nuts off as it took hours for the guy to fix it.
Monday - Guy installs internet/cable. Woo. Plumber comes to fix sink in my bathroom, which has a leaky pipe. (Idiots who lived here before duct-taped it. NOT WORKING, GENIUSES.) AC guys return because when they first got it running, insulation and grit shot out of EVERY vent. Yuck. That afternoon lawn man comes and hacks away at my jungle of a backyard.
Thursday night, as I'm getting out of the shower, the hot water handle busts and I can't turn off the water. At almost midnight. Plumber coming in the morning, as the fix could take a few hours and I don't want to be up all night with Ray. The bathroom was all drippy and steamy in the morning, even though a window was open. The good news is my water heater is freaking epic, as the water was apparently hot most of the night. Come to my house for eternal showers!
Friday, plumber replaces the faucets, and our final shipment is delivered. (Bad news on the water heater is it's somehow "not up to code" so I guess it needs replacing or some shit. Maybe because it's TINY. Or something. But still, with the eternal water.) Other good news is the water company checked the meter for me and it was "only" about 1000 gallons. Apparently in water world, that's not bad. Of course I've only been showering every other day, one person using the toilet, I almost never wash my hands now (thank you, hand dermatitis) and I haven't done dishes and there's no washer for laundry. So the water bill should be miniscule anyhow.
My computer case is a bit dented on the front, but it's on a decorative area so I figured it was just superficial. Turned on fine, but the sound wasn't working so I went to pull it out of the desk and see if anything was loose. The outside of the case SHOCKED me. Like, the whole freaking thing was electrified. It wasn't a huge shock, but running my fingers along the case it buzzed with electricity. Outstanding. So, rather than 1-damage the pc further, 2-have Ray hurt touching it and 3-start a freaking house fire, I'm using Anthony's until I can file a claim with the moving company and get it replaced. I might opt for claiming the whole pc, and not just the case...I could use some upgrades. I mean, if I still had my dell I would have to anyhow, dell motherboards are soldered to the case. GG.
Well anyway, I'm going to take my boy to the beach, I think.
Day one - Walk in the door and there's no AC. It's 90+ inside and hotter out. We spend an absolutely miserable afternoon sweating our nuts off as it took hours for the guy to fix it.
Monday - Guy installs internet/cable. Woo. Plumber comes to fix sink in my bathroom, which has a leaky pipe. (Idiots who lived here before duct-taped it. NOT WORKING, GENIUSES.) AC guys return because when they first got it running, insulation and grit shot out of EVERY vent. Yuck. That afternoon lawn man comes and hacks away at my jungle of a backyard.
Thursday night, as I'm getting out of the shower, the hot water handle busts and I can't turn off the water. At almost midnight. Plumber coming in the morning, as the fix could take a few hours and I don't want to be up all night with Ray. The bathroom was all drippy and steamy in the morning, even though a window was open. The good news is my water heater is freaking epic, as the water was apparently hot most of the night. Come to my house for eternal showers!
Friday, plumber replaces the faucets, and our final shipment is delivered. (Bad news on the water heater is it's somehow "not up to code" so I guess it needs replacing or some shit. Maybe because it's TINY. Or something. But still, with the eternal water.) Other good news is the water company checked the meter for me and it was "only" about 1000 gallons. Apparently in water world, that's not bad. Of course I've only been showering every other day, one person using the toilet, I almost never wash my hands now (thank you, hand dermatitis) and I haven't done dishes and there's no washer for laundry. So the water bill should be miniscule anyhow.
My computer case is a bit dented on the front, but it's on a decorative area so I figured it was just superficial. Turned on fine, but the sound wasn't working so I went to pull it out of the desk and see if anything was loose. The outside of the case SHOCKED me. Like, the whole freaking thing was electrified. It wasn't a huge shock, but running my fingers along the case it buzzed with electricity. Outstanding. So, rather than 1-damage the pc further, 2-have Ray hurt touching it and 3-start a freaking house fire, I'm using Anthony's until I can file a claim with the moving company and get it replaced. I might opt for claiming the whole pc, and not just the case...I could use some upgrades. I mean, if I still had my dell I would have to anyhow, dell motherboards are soldered to the case. GG.
Well anyway, I'm going to take my boy to the beach, I think.
Monday, 26 May 2008
Long time no see!
Well it's been over a month since my last post, and A TON has happened. I'll try to keep it brief but still give you an idea of what we've been up to.
We left Spain April 21st. We woke up late (slept through the alarm, oops) and it unfortunately set the tone for the entire day. We ending up running to every flight, and being the last ones on every plane. We were told our cat couldn't be on the plane from Houston to Corpus Christi, the last leg of the flight, and so we planned on taking a rental car from Houston and driving the last bit. As it turned out they went ahead and sent the cat (indeed, all our checked luggage) to corpus. We were so tired of the planes and airline food that we opted to get the car anyhow. Man was that a terrible idea! The three hour drive turned into five as we stopped every thirty minutes or so because whoever was driving was getting dangerously sleepy.
We got in late monday night (tuesday morning) and by friday we had looked at three houses, applied for one, and signed the lease. Monday the movers came and we got everything in the house. We had water but no power, so we opted to stay there for one night rather than stay at another hotel.
The following day we drove up to Austin (a lovely three hour drive) and visited with Anthony's family. And some of mine. Lots of fun and eating out. We bought a new car, a 2005 Nissan Sentra with only 19k miles on it. It's a fantastical little car, and I think it'll serve us well for a long time to come. (Indeed, we still love our '97 Sentra!)
Tuesday, May 6th, Anthony started his drive out to San Diego. The next day Ray and I hopped on a plane to SC and we've been here with my parents ever since. It's been a nice, relaxing time, Ray loves them to pieces. And vice versa!
On Thursday we head back to Corpus to finish setting up the house. I'm really looking forward to it...and not. I'm looking forward to being in my own space again, and I really enjoy the Portland/Corpus area. I can't wait to get the house all put together. I'm also dreading it a little, there's SO much to be done and it will be tough getting alot of work done when Ray is still so small. He's nearing the ten month mark, and really gearing up for walking. My little brother showed him how to walk by pushing a wooden chair around, and he's been doing a lot of that. He was even using the kitchen trash can earlier (freshly cleaned, fear not).
He's been handling all the moving and changing better than I could have hoped, but it's still rough. Many nights are a struggle and test my patience, which is wearing ragged. I'm very, very drained emotionally from being in limbo since mid-may and it's taking its toll. Most times when he just refuses to sleep, and cries, I cry too. I'm beyond normal, rational coping mechanisms, and crying is the easiest of the others available to me.
We had a bit of a pregnancy scare. Anthony and I had a major OOPS right before he left, and I was ovulating. I had alot of early symptoms, and my period was late, late, late. Five days. But every test was negative. And then I finally started on saturday, just minutes before I left the house to buy one final pregnancy test that I promised myself I would believe, no matter the results. Saved me $15 I guess!
I was a little disappointed, naturally, but there are still quite a few positives to not having number 2 just yet.
1. I want to breastfeed Ray a solid 18 months, but I also want a little time between babies without any babies on my boobs. MY BOOBS. KTHX.
2. I would like the babies close, but not THIS close. It would be nice to have Ray old enough to understand the baby deal a little better.
3. I want a tattoo. No respectable tattoo artist will do one on a pregnant woman. I wouldn't get it anyway while pregnant. But hey, IT'S A PLUS BECAUSE I'M NOT PATIENT K.
4. Anthony is going to be gone a ton in the next year. He needs more time with Ray, and with the next baby when that happens.
5. I want to get back in shape before the next pregnancy happens, and STAY in shape. Up my chance of VBAC and all that!
6. It would be super nice to have this scar a tad less tender before I stretch it all to hell. Ouch. I cringe thinking about a spawnling kicking me there. *shudder*
There's more, and of course there would be upsides to having one now. But sadly, my sperm donor is not readily available.
So that's the past month in a nutshell. New house is cozy, has a nice little yard. Three bedrooms, two hideous bathrooms, tiny kitchen, fairly new carpet, and new paint. Smells like a freaking pet shop, but not like feces so it's not all bad. Serious carpet cleaning shall commence forthwith. Word on the street is we'll only be there about a year if they shut down the base (and it sounds like they're doing it for realios this time) and we'd end up moving to san diego, I think. Which isn't all bad, but means we'll be in an apartment most likely. Oh, and moving while Anthony is out to sea. I like Corpus. :S We'll see how it goes!
There will likely be another break in my posting coming up, until I get internet in the new place. Obviously that is HIGH on my priority list, so it shouldn't be long. I love everyone, and miss you all! I'm lurking here and there, but I don't have as much time for commenting as I'd like. Soon!
We left Spain April 21st. We woke up late (slept through the alarm, oops) and it unfortunately set the tone for the entire day. We ending up running to every flight, and being the last ones on every plane. We were told our cat couldn't be on the plane from Houston to Corpus Christi, the last leg of the flight, and so we planned on taking a rental car from Houston and driving the last bit. As it turned out they went ahead and sent the cat (indeed, all our checked luggage) to corpus. We were so tired of the planes and airline food that we opted to get the car anyhow. Man was that a terrible idea! The three hour drive turned into five as we stopped every thirty minutes or so because whoever was driving was getting dangerously sleepy.
We got in late monday night (tuesday morning) and by friday we had looked at three houses, applied for one, and signed the lease. Monday the movers came and we got everything in the house. We had water but no power, so we opted to stay there for one night rather than stay at another hotel.
The following day we drove up to Austin (a lovely three hour drive) and visited with Anthony's family. And some of mine. Lots of fun and eating out. We bought a new car, a 2005 Nissan Sentra with only 19k miles on it. It's a fantastical little car, and I think it'll serve us well for a long time to come. (Indeed, we still love our '97 Sentra!)
Tuesday, May 6th, Anthony started his drive out to San Diego. The next day Ray and I hopped on a plane to SC and we've been here with my parents ever since. It's been a nice, relaxing time, Ray loves them to pieces. And vice versa!
On Thursday we head back to Corpus to finish setting up the house. I'm really looking forward to it...and not. I'm looking forward to being in my own space again, and I really enjoy the Portland/Corpus area. I can't wait to get the house all put together. I'm also dreading it a little, there's SO much to be done and it will be tough getting alot of work done when Ray is still so small. He's nearing the ten month mark, and really gearing up for walking. My little brother showed him how to walk by pushing a wooden chair around, and he's been doing a lot of that. He was even using the kitchen trash can earlier (freshly cleaned, fear not).
He's been handling all the moving and changing better than I could have hoped, but it's still rough. Many nights are a struggle and test my patience, which is wearing ragged. I'm very, very drained emotionally from being in limbo since mid-may and it's taking its toll. Most times when he just refuses to sleep, and cries, I cry too. I'm beyond normal, rational coping mechanisms, and crying is the easiest of the others available to me.
We had a bit of a pregnancy scare. Anthony and I had a major OOPS right before he left, and I was ovulating. I had alot of early symptoms, and my period was late, late, late. Five days. But every test was negative. And then I finally started on saturday, just minutes before I left the house to buy one final pregnancy test that I promised myself I would believe, no matter the results. Saved me $15 I guess!
I was a little disappointed, naturally, but there are still quite a few positives to not having number 2 just yet.
1. I want to breastfeed Ray a solid 18 months, but I also want a little time between babies without any babies on my boobs. MY BOOBS. KTHX.
2. I would like the babies close, but not THIS close. It would be nice to have Ray old enough to understand the baby deal a little better.
3. I want a tattoo. No respectable tattoo artist will do one on a pregnant woman. I wouldn't get it anyway while pregnant. But hey, IT'S A PLUS BECAUSE I'M NOT PATIENT K.
4. Anthony is going to be gone a ton in the next year. He needs more time with Ray, and with the next baby when that happens.
5. I want to get back in shape before the next pregnancy happens, and STAY in shape. Up my chance of VBAC and all that!
6. It would be super nice to have this scar a tad less tender before I stretch it all to hell. Ouch. I cringe thinking about a spawnling kicking me there. *shudder*
There's more, and of course there would be upsides to having one now. But sadly, my sperm donor is not readily available.
So that's the past month in a nutshell. New house is cozy, has a nice little yard. Three bedrooms, two hideous bathrooms, tiny kitchen, fairly new carpet, and new paint. Smells like a freaking pet shop, but not like feces so it's not all bad. Serious carpet cleaning shall commence forthwith. Word on the street is we'll only be there about a year if they shut down the base (and it sounds like they're doing it for realios this time) and we'd end up moving to san diego, I think. Which isn't all bad, but means we'll be in an apartment most likely. Oh, and moving while Anthony is out to sea. I like Corpus. :S We'll see how it goes!
There will likely be another break in my posting coming up, until I get internet in the new place. Obviously that is HIGH on my priority list, so it shouldn't be long. I love everyone, and miss you all! I'm lurking here and there, but I don't have as much time for commenting as I'd like. Soon!
Saturday, 12 April 2008
Tralala
Hooray for headphones. I got a nice pair of noise-reducing earbuds, they sound great. I'm listening to Oprah's interview with the "pregnant man" as I type. I'm kind of less impressed by this whole thing...at first I found it supremely interesting, and I still do to some extent (why else would I listen to this?), but it's like...woman, becomes lesbian, becomes male, but keeps uterus and such...so it's still a pregnant woman, physically speaking. I think it's not quite as fantastic as people are making it out to be. I guess the huge hold up is legally he's a he. I still wonder how he's going to feel after the birth, if he'll still feel that he can function in a father role having gone through what mothers do. I don't doubt that fathers bond very closely with their children, but even on a strictly base, instinctive, hormonal level, it is different. And I really wonder how much "feeling male" is going to cover it.
I don't begrudge them their child. They've faced many difficulties to be where they are today, and certainly many less than savory characters who are strictly heterosexual have children and then don't treat them right. I think they'll be fabulous parents, and that child will have a unique upbringing and a very interesting story to tell one day!
On to other things. Happy birthday to Anthony! He's reached the ripe old age of 27. It's been a somewhat unhappy birthday, sadly, as he's been getting alot of flack at work because of some asshat in leadership that's lazy. He (said asshat) is basically fixing the schedule so he can be a lazy shitbag, and dragging a rake behind him to cover his tracks. Unfortunately this time Anthony was the rake, and he's paying for shitheads irresponsibility. *sigh* It shouldn't go any higher than a DRB (disciplinary something or other board) and then likely get tossed out, because everyone at the command knows what's going on. One of the newer folks missed a watch recently for general shitbaggery and had to go to DRB, so it would look really bad if they didn't send Anthony up a mere week later. *sigh*
We're hoping for a trip to Gibraltar tomorrow. Woowoo monkeys!
Had a good time at Pub Los Arcos last night, kind of a penultimate final hurrah. I did some crazy assed shot called a Quack Quack, which was interesting and ended with me getting a tiny burn on my hand. I think my hands are too small to pull it off as easily as the guys.
We had our packout yesterday, and somewhat to my dismay they packed EVERYTHING in the kitchen. Which was sort of what I wanted, dishes-wise, but I thought they couldn't pack foodstuffs that were already open. I was patently mistaken, and went pretty hungry today as our fridge is fairly bare, and even the easy things like waffles, bisquick for pancakes, would have benefited greatly with the addition of syrup or honey. We used raspberry jam, and while I would never desire to eat it that way again, it was tolerable. Needless to say we went shopping this afternoon and bought dinners and such. Hopefully it will last us.
I've been spending alot of time blog-hopping, although I'm hitting a point in the birth blogs where I'm just reading the same info over and over again. This is part of the reason why I've not really blogged much about it, so many have already said it, and so much more powerfully than I. One thing I'd like to look into more is court-ordered cesareans and the effect of traumatic birth on babies.
I've found out that with a c-section you miss out on alot of the natural bonding processes. Especially after an induced labor, I probably didn't have my own hormones going that would aid in that process. In nature, if you deliver an animals young by c-section the mother will not even recognize her offspring. She won't take care of them. Now I'm not saying that I (or any c-section mama) neglect our babies, or don't love them just as much as the next mom, but for some it can be harder, and take longer. I think it contributed to our difficulty breastfeeding. I know that being unable to hold Ray for long periods in the first few weeks affected me negatively.
There is a thing called a trauma bond, where two people who have been through something traumatic together form an especially tight bond. I don't know if traumatic is the right term for my end of things, exceedingly difficult, certainly. His end though, I would guess most certainly was traumatic. Pitocin is a nasty, nasty drug. Contractions are longer, stronger, and come faster. I remember having 15-30 seconds of "break" between contractions, for hours. And even during those breaks, it still HURT. There was no "ahhh, a rest!". I can't even imagine how hard that must have been on him. Even in a normal birth, they've found that labor is intense and painful for the baby as well as mom. Not to mention being pushed on in a terrible position for four hours, possibly with his head malpositioned, having the dr and nurses poking at his head, the vacuum attempts (which left him with a huge, scabbed welt for over a week afterwards) and then the c-section. It's no wonder he was so loud after they pulled him out. It was cold, bright, and people he had never heard were handling him, holding him up in the air, prodding, testing, cleaning, before he even saw his daddy, much less me. I wonder how those experiences, his first outside the womb, will shape his personality in years to come.
As you can probably tell, I've been mowing through blogs left and right. So much amazing, troubling, thought-provoking, horrifying information to process. Feminism, racism, horrors from the war in Iraq that you'd never hear about from "news" broadcasts produced by the same people who produce soap operas...religion, politics. My head is spinning, in such a good way. I've been intellectually stimulated in ways that I haven't in years. Possibly ever. It's wonderful. So I apologize for my infrequent posts. Check out some of the blogs on the right, and see the "fun" I've been into lately. I'm busy growing. :)
Time for some alone time with the birthday man...shhh, I think I'm ovulating. ;) We're not trying, but I wouldn't complain if something more resulted. :D
I don't begrudge them their child. They've faced many difficulties to be where they are today, and certainly many less than savory characters who are strictly heterosexual have children and then don't treat them right. I think they'll be fabulous parents, and that child will have a unique upbringing and a very interesting story to tell one day!
On to other things. Happy birthday to Anthony! He's reached the ripe old age of 27. It's been a somewhat unhappy birthday, sadly, as he's been getting alot of flack at work because of some asshat in leadership that's lazy. He (said asshat) is basically fixing the schedule so he can be a lazy shitbag, and dragging a rake behind him to cover his tracks. Unfortunately this time Anthony was the rake, and he's paying for shitheads irresponsibility. *sigh* It shouldn't go any higher than a DRB (disciplinary something or other board) and then likely get tossed out, because everyone at the command knows what's going on. One of the newer folks missed a watch recently for general shitbaggery and had to go to DRB, so it would look really bad if they didn't send Anthony up a mere week later. *sigh*
We're hoping for a trip to Gibraltar tomorrow. Woowoo monkeys!
Had a good time at Pub Los Arcos last night, kind of a penultimate final hurrah. I did some crazy assed shot called a Quack Quack, which was interesting and ended with me getting a tiny burn on my hand. I think my hands are too small to pull it off as easily as the guys.
We had our packout yesterday, and somewhat to my dismay they packed EVERYTHING in the kitchen. Which was sort of what I wanted, dishes-wise, but I thought they couldn't pack foodstuffs that were already open. I was patently mistaken, and went pretty hungry today as our fridge is fairly bare, and even the easy things like waffles, bisquick for pancakes, would have benefited greatly with the addition of syrup or honey. We used raspberry jam, and while I would never desire to eat it that way again, it was tolerable. Needless to say we went shopping this afternoon and bought dinners and such. Hopefully it will last us.
I've been spending alot of time blog-hopping, although I'm hitting a point in the birth blogs where I'm just reading the same info over and over again. This is part of the reason why I've not really blogged much about it, so many have already said it, and so much more powerfully than I. One thing I'd like to look into more is court-ordered cesareans and the effect of traumatic birth on babies.
I've found out that with a c-section you miss out on alot of the natural bonding processes. Especially after an induced labor, I probably didn't have my own hormones going that would aid in that process. In nature, if you deliver an animals young by c-section the mother will not even recognize her offspring. She won't take care of them. Now I'm not saying that I (or any c-section mama) neglect our babies, or don't love them just as much as the next mom, but for some it can be harder, and take longer. I think it contributed to our difficulty breastfeeding. I know that being unable to hold Ray for long periods in the first few weeks affected me negatively.
There is a thing called a trauma bond, where two people who have been through something traumatic together form an especially tight bond. I don't know if traumatic is the right term for my end of things, exceedingly difficult, certainly. His end though, I would guess most certainly was traumatic. Pitocin is a nasty, nasty drug. Contractions are longer, stronger, and come faster. I remember having 15-30 seconds of "break" between contractions, for hours. And even during those breaks, it still HURT. There was no "ahhh, a rest!". I can't even imagine how hard that must have been on him. Even in a normal birth, they've found that labor is intense and painful for the baby as well as mom. Not to mention being pushed on in a terrible position for four hours, possibly with his head malpositioned, having the dr and nurses poking at his head, the vacuum attempts (which left him with a huge, scabbed welt for over a week afterwards) and then the c-section. It's no wonder he was so loud after they pulled him out. It was cold, bright, and people he had never heard were handling him, holding him up in the air, prodding, testing, cleaning, before he even saw his daddy, much less me. I wonder how those experiences, his first outside the womb, will shape his personality in years to come.
As you can probably tell, I've been mowing through blogs left and right. So much amazing, troubling, thought-provoking, horrifying information to process. Feminism, racism, horrors from the war in Iraq that you'd never hear about from "news" broadcasts produced by the same people who produce soap operas...religion, politics. My head is spinning, in such a good way. I've been intellectually stimulated in ways that I haven't in years. Possibly ever. It's wonderful. So I apologize for my infrequent posts. Check out some of the blogs on the right, and see the "fun" I've been into lately. I'm busy growing. :)
Time for some alone time with the birthday man...shhh, I think I'm ovulating. ;) We're not trying, but I wouldn't complain if something more resulted. :D
Friday, 4 April 2008
Ahhhhhhhhhh....
Whew, good lord that took awhile. Ray has been back to the 'going down for the night, waking up every fifteen minutes 3-4 times before REALLY going down' thing for the last few nights. I think he's on the verge of another milestone...and I think this one may be verbal. He's been doing the "mamamamamama" more often, and usually when he seems to want me. Sometimes it's while he's whining, and hanging on my leg. I've heard that the "mamamama" sound is more angry/frustrated, and the "dadadada" babbling is happy, which I've seen evidence of. However, a few times today, when not upset, he would take off after me going "mamama". At one point this evening I was in the kitchen cooking, and he took off toward the back of the house looking for me after he heard me yell something to Anthony, going "mamamama!", but not upset. I said "in here honey!" and he came back to the kitchen gate to eyeball me. Cute!
But yeah, back to the "oy that took forever". I just spent a solid HOUR trying to put him to bed. Nursed him three times in that time. He was so restless, he would just lay there in my arms sucking his thumb and "singing", "MmmmmMMMmmmMMMmmmMmmmmMMMmm". To the point where he would actually fall asleep, thumb pop out of his mouth, still humming. Then the sound would wake him and he'd go back to sucking and more humming. Finally I put him in his bed, as he was mostly asleep but squirming to flip over, and he stayed. Whew! Maybe tomorrow he'll wake me up with a happy, "Mama!". :)
I've told Anthony time and again that with the next one we'll make sure he's more involved in the sleeping process. It's a little harder to work it in, with the breastfeeding, but what we should have done (I think) is make sure I pumped a bottle for him some nights and let daddy feed him to sleep. Not worth the trouble of doing it now, as Anthony will be gone in about a month, and we'll only see him once in the following five months. But on the next little one? For sure.
I see some folks enjoyed my last post, and I'm glad. I guess I'm at a place right now, in my process of "processing", where I'm taking more responsibility for the decisions I made, but at the same time I feel like the "system" really failed me, as it fails SO many women. Men, women, if you have a chance to see the Business of Being Born, please do so. It is so informative. It doesn't address all the current problems in our system concerning mothers, babies, and doctors, but it does bring up some of the biggest issues and for those that haven't read in depth about the current state of these things in our country, I think you may find it very enlightening. Whether you're done having kids, just starting, or don't plan on doing it ever. If you're male or female, show it to your daughters and your sons. Make them AWARE.
Things are moving along well here as far as our leaving is concerned. The car is in the shop, the movers come on the 10th to make our house truly empty and terribly boring for a week, and we're somewhat frantically trying to find a home for our lovely Claudia. Our flight is officially set, and we've purchased my plane tickets out to SC. On top of finding a house and getting the lease set up (and possibly getting our household goods delivered there before we leave) we hope to buy a car, which Anthony will drive out to San Diego as soon as we've left for SC.
In the home life, things are good. Ray is doing great, and truly getting more fun by the day. He loves to play, with us and on his own as well. He's a solid little guy, still pretty slim but heavy and STRONG. Gosh. It truly amazes me. Still not much hair but a mouth full of teeth. He's in love with cheerios or pretty much any finger food, and loves to eat eat eat.
I've received my birth doula manuals in the mail, and I'm slowly getting started. Not as quickly as I'd like but I've found some awesome blogs (listed on my sidebar) and I've been drinking in the info like a dying woman. Doulas, midwives, feminists, authors...so many interesting points of view. I love it.
But yeah, back to the "oy that took forever". I just spent a solid HOUR trying to put him to bed. Nursed him three times in that time. He was so restless, he would just lay there in my arms sucking his thumb and "singing", "MmmmmMMMmmmMMMmmmMmmmmMMMmm". To the point where he would actually fall asleep, thumb pop out of his mouth, still humming. Then the sound would wake him and he'd go back to sucking and more humming. Finally I put him in his bed, as he was mostly asleep but squirming to flip over, and he stayed. Whew! Maybe tomorrow he'll wake me up with a happy, "Mama!". :)
I've told Anthony time and again that with the next one we'll make sure he's more involved in the sleeping process. It's a little harder to work it in, with the breastfeeding, but what we should have done (I think) is make sure I pumped a bottle for him some nights and let daddy feed him to sleep. Not worth the trouble of doing it now, as Anthony will be gone in about a month, and we'll only see him once in the following five months. But on the next little one? For sure.
I see some folks enjoyed my last post, and I'm glad. I guess I'm at a place right now, in my process of "processing", where I'm taking more responsibility for the decisions I made, but at the same time I feel like the "system" really failed me, as it fails SO many women. Men, women, if you have a chance to see the Business of Being Born, please do so. It is so informative. It doesn't address all the current problems in our system concerning mothers, babies, and doctors, but it does bring up some of the biggest issues and for those that haven't read in depth about the current state of these things in our country, I think you may find it very enlightening. Whether you're done having kids, just starting, or don't plan on doing it ever. If you're male or female, show it to your daughters and your sons. Make them AWARE.
Things are moving along well here as far as our leaving is concerned. The car is in the shop, the movers come on the 10th to make our house truly empty and terribly boring for a week, and we're somewhat frantically trying to find a home for our lovely Claudia. Our flight is officially set, and we've purchased my plane tickets out to SC. On top of finding a house and getting the lease set up (and possibly getting our household goods delivered there before we leave) we hope to buy a car, which Anthony will drive out to San Diego as soon as we've left for SC.
In the home life, things are good. Ray is doing great, and truly getting more fun by the day. He loves to play, with us and on his own as well. He's a solid little guy, still pretty slim but heavy and STRONG. Gosh. It truly amazes me. Still not much hair but a mouth full of teeth. He's in love with cheerios or pretty much any finger food, and loves to eat eat eat.
I've received my birth doula manuals in the mail, and I'm slowly getting started. Not as quickly as I'd like but I've found some awesome blogs (listed on my sidebar) and I've been drinking in the info like a dying woman. Doulas, midwives, feminists, authors...so many interesting points of view. I love it.
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